


Satisfied

by WillowTea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Hurt, M/M, No Reciprocation, Not Happy, hardcore pining, no happy ending, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-01-05 23:05:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12199206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WillowTea/pseuds/WillowTea
Summary: Oikawa had been in love with Iwaizumi since they first met. As best man at Iwazumi’s wedding, Oikawa gives a toast, recalling the last fifteen years as he does so. However, he leaves out the parts Iwaizumi never knew about. Fifteen years of pining had come to nothing, but Iwaizumi never needed to know about that. But Iwaizumi was right, Oikawa would never be satisfied.





	1. Rewind

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning: There is no happy ending here. If you cannot handle heavy angst and slow burn, unreciprocated pining, turn back now.** You have been warned.
> 
> This is based on the animatic by [matsehiro](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWdjppA8x9c). I saw it and just...had to write something for it. I have other fics in the works, but who writes in order of ideas? This first chapter is more of a prologue and is really short, but the next one will be longer. Enjoy!

The lights glittered majestically, dappling the ground and the trees surrounding the small, sheltered party. On the edge of the lake, in the dark of early night, it was almost like a scene from a dream, or a romantic movie with a happy ending. Music drifted lazily into the air, accompanied faintly by chatter and laughter. People milled about, grabbing arms to get attention, laughing at jokes that weren’t as funny as they thought, and congratulating the happy couple.

Below the silky white cover, Oikawa was sure he might be sick. He’d been dizzy all day, but he’d managed to push through and now he was putting on an award winning performance. Maybe he should have gone into acting, he would have made more than a living doing that.

The brunette milled about the crowd like everyone else, greeting people he recognized – which was a lot of them – and meeting people he didn’t. He made it his goal to become best friends with every single person he didn’t know, even if that meant pretending to listen intently to the old man moaning on about his grandson. Oikawa was more than glad to be unlatched from this particular guest by a beautiful young lady about his age. Despite her wonderfully tousled hair and perfectly fitted, sleeveless dress, Oikawa only joined her in conversation to keep from talking with the old man.

From the very corners of his vision he could sense _them_. They were everywhere and anywhere, just like him, but for whatever reason he could have sworn they were following him around the floor. Oikawa was conscious of them every single second of the night and all throughout the day. He had hoped that maybe, just maybe, the party would distract him. Of course there was no way that would happen, this was going to be the rest of his life.

Smiling kindly at the girl, Oikawa gave his best pick up line which got her – and her equally beautiful friends – laughing. Could he learn to pretend well enough to love someone else? He’d been putting on a face for so long, perhaps he could. No one had questioned him about not being okay. But how much longer could he survive without saying anything to anyone? Oikawa had broken down too many times to count, but never in front of people. He could do one more night. Maybe then he could leave and never come back.

Excusing himself from the girls, he lamented the fact that escape was not possible. He was heir to the Oikawa fortune and Japan’s largest computer company. He had a very important volleyball game coming up and leaving would only raise the questions he had managed to avoid for so long.

Oikawa stopped in his tracks when he spotted the happy couple, picking up glasses off the back table. He knew this was coming, but he had almost been hoping they would forget. Leave it to Iwaizumi to remember the best man’s toast but not his own homework.

Arms linked, smiles bright and cheery, glasses in hand, Iwaizumi gathered everyone’s attention. It only took a light tap on the glass – how was he capable of such a gentle action? – and everyone was turned toward the couple, quiet and waiting for what Iwaizumi wanted to say.

“Thank you for coming, everyone. Mihoko and I couldn’t be more happy to see you all here. It’s starting to get late, but I do believe we’re missing something.” Iwaizumi said, voice loud enough to be heard but not rough. He was enjoying himself, and it was genuine. Oikawa had known him long enough to recognize that.

“Oikawa?” Iwaizumi said his name with a lilt, turning the question up gently at the end like righting a baby who couldn’t get off their back. Oikawa saw black dots dance before his vision and he had to fight his legs hard not to collapse right then and there. The crowd waited expectantly, but Oikawa couldn’t gather himself fast enough and soon they were all staring with confused anticipation.

“Oikawa?” This time, Iwaizumi’s tone was concerned. Oikawa closed his eyes and took deep, even breaths. Iwaizumi had to stop saying his name like that or he was definitely going to faint. Hold that, Iwaizumi was going to have to stop saying his name period or he was going to faint.

“I’m good, just a little dizzy.” Oikawa finally said, grinning wide, earning a sigh of relief he hadn’t realized the crowd was holding. The look in Iwaizumi’s eyes wasn’t relief – well, it was for a split second – but rather annoyance. Iwaizumi had known Oikawa long enough that something such as this wasn’t something to be concerned about. Even Mihoko wore an expression of pure relief when she had known her brother longer than Iwaizumi had.

“Maybe hold back on the wine?” Iwaizumi suggested, almost making Oikawa faint again, this time from the mischievous twinkle in his eye. Oikawa took a couple of shaky steps forward, pushing passed the front line of the crowd and toward the isolated couple. He hoped desperately that no one could see his knees shaking.

Giving Iwaizumi a look, he picked a glass off the table. “Aren’t I supposed to introduce the toast?” He shot, dropping the drinking subject. He hadn’t picked up a glass the whole night. Despite his absolute dread for this very moment, the brunette was not about to give the best man’s toast drunk. He was a talky drunk, his friends had told him so. After all these years, he had managed to keep his secret a, well, secret whenever he drank, but in this particular setting and at this particular moment, he didn’t trust himself to not say anything.

“You were taking too long, some people want to leave.” Iwaizumi whispered back, giving Oikawa a serious look this time. His eyes glittered in the twinkling lights and his hair stuck out in every direction like it always did. He was dressed the best Oikawa had ever seen him dress. Not even graduation had called for something as formal as what he was wearing now. He was dashing, but the suit coat did nothing for his arms.

“Apologies.” Oikawa said, lilting his voice in the way he had learned how so that he sounded like he didn’t care. It was convincing, apparently, because Iwaizumi turned away, rolling his eyes and smiling fondly. Taking another deep breath, Oikawa fought the black dots that surfaced from that smile alone. It had taken a very long time for Iwaizumi to grow fond of Oikawa’s annoying habits. The first time he had smiled fondly at Oikawa….Well, that was a story for another time.

Turning toward the crowd, Oikawa raised his glass and grinned, fighting the tears that threatened to surface as he realized just what he was about to do. In all his years being around Iwaizumi and Mihoko as a couple, he had never once said to anyone that he supported them. Everyone had assumed he did and all he had to do was not deny it. They believed he thought they made a great couple.

Oikawa now had to admit that they were perfect for each other.

“A toast to the groom!” He exclaimed, his voice cracking slightly at the end of the shout. The party guests raised their glasses as well, echoing his words, giving him a bit of time to recover. “To the bride!” He added on, turning toward the couple and away from the crowd. He supposed this was for them, he needed to look at them as he said it.

That just made it all worse.

“From your best friend and brother.” He continued, really wishing there was more noise to cover the way his voice wavered. Unfortunately, someone had shut off the music and it was dead silent save a couple of whispers from the crowd. “Who was always by your side.” This time his voice cracked noticeably, but neither Mihoko or Iwaizumi looked concerned.

Rather, Iwaizumi had become a little annoyed, though the light shade of pink in his cheeks suggested he was flattered Oikawa was going to cry about this. Mihoko’s eyes were already tearing up, but she smiled, giving Oikawa a fond look.

“To your union and the hope that you provide. May you always be-“ Oikawa’s voice cracked badly at this point and he choked back vicious tears. He couldn't do this. He couldn’t toast them. He didn’t approve. He wanted to tell everyone why he was crying, why he couldn’t go on. But it was too late, they were already married, anything he said now would just create a rift and he was sure that would be worse than seeing his love married to his sister. 

“May you always be satisfied.” He finally managed, cursing in his head as he realized tears were now streaming down his face. Without warning, his mind recalled the first time he had ever heard that word from Iwaizumi’s mouth. Against his will, he began to recall the last fifteen years.


	2. Heart Aflame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa recalls when he first met Iwaizumi and their elementary years together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> None of the chapters are going to be really long, but this means that it will come faster for those of you reading it! Woohoo! Hope you enjoy this one!

The night of the festival was bright with the lights of lanterns and campfires. Booths lined the main street and people walked around in yukata carrying onigiri and laughing about the funny joke they had just heard. Chatter and music filled the air with joy and celebration, but Oikawa wasn’t feeling that. He had come with a couple of friends earlier in the night, but they had gotten stuck playing that stupid fishing game. The one where they had to catch the fish on the flimsy paper. After about ten minutes of watching them fail, Oikawa had given up and wandered off, quickly becoming lost in the well lit streets of Miyagi. 

In his arms, almost like a safety blanket, was a volleyball. It was old and well worn, the first layer of material starting to peel in places. However, no matter how much his parents insisted they get him a new one, Oikawa refused to give it up. The ball had been his grandfather’s, though the man rarely played. It was the only thing Oikawa had ever gotten from him and, since he had died, the young boy was not about to give it up.

Wandering through the forest of adult legs, Oikawa felt his patience drawing thin and irritation start to crease his brow. There was no way he was going to be able to find his way home in this crowd. It was an endless maze of people and booths and every corner he turned just led him deeper into the festival. He’d have to wait it out, until most of the crowd was gone. 

His father had come with Mihoko, his little sister, but the two had split when Oikawa’s friends wanted to do something different from him. His mother had stayed home, apparently too busy to tag along. Hopefully neither of his parents would worry he was lost. It was common occurrence for Oikawa to come home later than they had required. So far, he had yet to get into too much trouble. 

Pushing his way toward the edge of the booths, he slipped between them and wandered along the forest’s edge. Since he had ditched his friends, he had become bored out of his mind. Not only did he no longer know where to locate his friends, who were probably still playing that game, but he had also used all of the allowance his parents had given him for the festival. All he had left was his ball, and that wasn’t terribly fun to play with when he was alone. 

Finding a spot where the aisle opened wide, Oikawa plopped down beneath a tree and stared at the well lit street full of people. He was on a slight hill, so he got a pretty good view of the entire length of the festival, lights on buildings and booths, people milling about. It looked like so much fun, but there was nothing he could do but watch and wait.

Pulling his ball up to his chest, he hugged his knees and rested his chin on the ball, giving a deep sigh, hoping someone nearby would hear and relieve his boredom. They were too busy to hear him, however, as they continued to wander about the booths, chatting with friends and neighbors. Oikawa looked directly at several with big, pouty eyes, but this also seemed to have little effect. A couple of kids tugged on their moms’ yukata’s, but there was no redirecting adult attention toward him.

He was alone for the rest of the night.

Oikawa remained in this position for what felt like hours, but was probably only ten minutes, before he let out another sigh and promptly heard someone clear their throat. Jumping, Oikawa turned to see who had made the noise. Part of him hoped it was one of his friends so that he could play with them instead of sit here bored. When he looked, however, he noticed it was not one of his friends.

Standing to his right, carrying a long pole with a net attached to the end, dressed in a black tank top and cargo shorts, was a boy. He looked about Oikawa’s age, but his skin was a tanner and his hair coal black, styled in a rather dramatic display of spikes. His cheeks were flushed and his knees scraped up, but Oikawa was suddenly taken with how absolutely drawn in he was by this boy. Just the look in his eyes made Oikawa want to talk to him for the rest of the night, something about the way they glittered in the lamplight was hypnotizing. 

Oikawa felt himself blushing as he stared at the boy staring at him.

“Hi. I’m Iwaizumi Hajime. What’s your name?” The boy asked, taking a step forward, drawing Oikawa’s gaze higher. Even sitting, Oikawa could tell the boy was taller than him by quite a bit, but it was his eyes that made Oikawa stare. They made him question why he was alive, who he was, where he had come from, and if they could be friends. Oikawa hoped they could be friends, there was something about this boy that made him want to get up and hug him the way dad hugged mom after a long day at work.

“Hello? Are you mute?” Iwaizumi asked, snapping Oikawa from the odd stupor he had fallen into. Why was he so taken by this boy? Was this what dad meant by love? Oikawa knew he loved his family, but this wasn’t the same thing. Slowly, he drew himself from his resurfaced thoughts and finally started to form a sentence.

“Uh, hi. Um, I didn’t…what did you say?” Oikawa asked, shaking his head to clear the fuzzy thoughts that had started invading it. The boy’s own flustered demeanor had dissipated quickly, leaving him to give Oikawa an irritated look, eyes rolling. Oikawa felt his intrigue dying out with the way the boy did this, he was clearly not very nice, but he was still getting lost in his eyes.

“I asked you what your name is.” Iwaizumi responded, swishing the net around a bit, as if bored of Oikawa already. Suddenly realizing he had made an idiot of himself, Oikawa snapped to attention, determined to make Iwa-chan like him. Or at least get back at him for being so rude only seconds ago. 

“Oikawa Tooru. What’s with the net?” Oikawa asked, pushing himself to his feet, almost pleased to find that Iwa-chan was, indeed, taller than him. Most of the time, Oikawa was proud when he discovered he was taller than a friend. But Iwa-chan was taller than him, which made him feel oddly at ease instead of defensive. 

“I’m catching bugs. Wanna join me?” Iwa-chan offered, grinning at him and gesturing toward the forest. Oikawa made a face, crinkling his nose and looking Iwa-chan up and down. Okay, so the boy needed some work, but that was something Oikawa could manage. 

“No, bugs are weird. Wanna play volleyball instead?” Oikawa asked, holding up his ball so Iwa-chan could see it. Iwa-chan crinkled his own nose, looking the ball over with careful eyes, as if it wasn’t something he wanted to touch. He was catching bugs, how could a volleyball be gross?

“You need more than two players for volleyball.” Iwa-chan pointed out matter-of-factly, lowering the net to the ground. He continued to hold it in his hand, but the top rested against the soft summer grass. Oikawa took this opportunity to roll his own eyes, lowering the ball so it wasn’t directly between them. 

“To play an actual game, yeah, but we can just toss it or something.” Oikawa offered, spilling attitude into his voice automatically. It felt as if he had known Iwa-chan his whole life. He was comfortable around him, even though he wanted to catch bugs instead of play the best game in all existence. 

“Nah, I think I’ll go catch bugs. It was nice meeting you.” Iwa-chan said, turning on his heel and heading into the dark forest. Oikawa watched, mouth agape, as the boy walked away from him. Even his back had a certain appeal, but no one just walked away from Oikawa Tooru. He had to get him to come back.

“Hey! It’s dangerous to go into the woods at night! You need someone with you!” Oikawa shouted, watching as Iwa-chan disappeared further into the forest. Tutting softly, Oikawa raced after him, continuing to call to him, insisting he not go alone. Eventually, Oikawa reached him, insisting they go back because it was too dark to go into the woods. Iwa-chan responded by telling him that the bugs were easier to catch in the dark, but Oikawa was pretty sure that wasn’t true. They continued like this late into the night until Iwa-chan’s mom finally called him back and the two walked Oikawa home.

When he finally got home, he felt like he was coming off of a cloud. His body felt like it was on fire, every small piece was burning with pure joy and delight he almost didn’t notice when his mom spoke to him.

“Welcome home, To-chan. Where are your friends?” His mom asked, barely glancing up to look at him. Oikawa sat down across from her at the table, blinking few times and realizing he had completely forgotten about his friends.

“I don’t know. They were playing the stupid fish game, so I left.” Oikawa responded, crinkling his nose at the memory of those stupid boys insistent on getting a fish. Iwa-chan hadn’t been that much different, insisting on getting some bugs, but at least he had made conversation with Oikawa while doing it. His other friends had pushed him off when he suggested doing something else, telling him to stop and that they were concentrating. Iwa-chan had only pushed him off, actually pushing him at one point.

The feeling of Iwa-chan’s hand against his chest had been like an electric shock, leaving Oikawa stunned when he hit the ground, his ball bouncing away. Iwa-chan hadn’t looked back until he’d realized Oikawa wasn’t talking anymore. Then he had apologize for pushing Oikawa and helped him up.

It turned out Iwa-chan liked volleyball, and was starting at a volleyball club when school resumed again. His insistence on finding bugs was a little weird for Oikawa’s tastes, but at least he was nice, once you got passed the irritation he seemed to feel when talking with Oikawa.

“To-chan, that’s dangerous! You could have gotten attacked on the way home!” His mother scolded, putting down her knife to look at Oikawa directly. Oikawa shrugged his shoulders, bouncing his volleyball between his knees absently, watching as he did it. 

“Not really, Iwa-chan walked me home.” Oikawa responded, involuntarily grinning at the mention of Iwa-chan’s name. Sure, Iwa-chan’s mom had been walking with them, but it was still super nice of Iwa-chan to walk him home. He had learned more about Iwa-chan on the way home than he had in the forest. Iwa-chan’s mom had been a better talker than Iwa-chan. 

“Iwa-chan? Who’s that?” His mom asked, tilting her head with curiosity, still a little disgruntled, but no longer as angry. Some stranger had walked her boy home, but he looked really happy, so maybe he had made a new friend. 

“I met him tonight. He’s super cool! He plays volleyball and goes to school near here, though not the same as me. He likes to catch bugs, though, which is gross.” Oikawa explained, crinkling his nose at the memory of Iwa-chan picking up a bug with his bare hands. The smile on his face, however, didn’t disappear. Just the memory of Iwa-chan picking up the bug and offering it to Oikawa was enough to make him want to laugh. It made his heart all fluttery, which was really funny feeling, but not bad. 

“Really? That’s great, To-chan!” His mom responded, now grinning along with him, amused by her son’s energy. Before either could say anything else, the front door opened up softly and Oikawa’s dad walked in, carrying a tired Mihoko on his shoulder.

“Kenta, what did I say about taking her out too late?” The conversation between Oikawa and his mom was over quickly, but Oikawa didn’t care. Not even bothering to check on his little sister, Oikawa disappeared to his room where he fell asleep thinking about Iwa-chan.

\----

“Iwa-chan, is it weird to like someone you just met?” Oikawa asked, looking up at the sky above him. It was late summer, only a week after the festival. Iwa-chan’s mom had given Oikawa their house number, so Oikawa had called as soon as his mom let him. They had been hanging out almost every single day that week, and Oikawa was afraid of starting school again, because he wouldn’t get to see Iwa-chan as often.

“Nah, some people just get along.” Iwa-chan responded lazily, his words slurring together slightly. They had been out all day hunting for bugs. Well, Iwa-chan had been looking for bugs, Oikawa had followed him around talking his ear off all day. They had stopped at the Oikawa household for lunch and were currently lying in the grass in a field not far from the house.

The summer sun beat on them relentlessly, but the cool grass beneath them countered this and they had been in a food sleepy haze for several minutes before Oikawa had said anything. It was a nice day, but it was just another reminder that summer wasn’t permanent. Oikawa just wanted it to last forever. 

“No, I mean, like-like someone.” Oikawa asked, feeling his heart beat speed up as he asked. Iwa-chan grunted, but his response was as slow as his speech.

“Don’t be stupid, Oikawa. Besides, girls are gross.” Iwa-chan responded, his tone giving away the expression Oikawa knew would be on his face: disgust. This was always accompanied by that crinkled nose look that made Oikawa melt every time he saw it.

“But-“ Oikawa started, interrupted when Iwa-chan grunted and stood.

“C’mon, let’s go catch more bugs.” Iwa-chan said, moving faster than Oikawa. Before he knew it, Iwa-chan was already off in the woods, leaving Oikawa to scramble to his feet and follow behind him.

“Iwa-chan, wait up!” Oikawa called, giggling when Iwa-chan told him to stop calling him that. They bantered about absolutely nothing and everything the rest of the day, leaving Oikawa tired, but still giddy, when he finally got home.

His mom was preparing something in the kitchen and Mihoko was sitting in the living room playing with some toys. She was just over two years younger than him, but sometimes he liked talking to her. Sitting down across from her, Oikawa sighed.

“What is it, To-chan?” She asked, looking up from the thing she was building with her blocks. Oikawa shrugged and looked down at his feet. He wasn’t sure why he had decided to do this, but he wanted to see what someone thought. Maybe he was wrong about what he was thinking. Maybe he was right. Mihoko was only a kid, but maybe she could help. 

“I think I like Iwa-chan.” Oikawa said, keeping his voice low so his mom didn’t hear. He had no idea why he thought he like-liked Iwa-chan, boys couldn’t like boys. At least, he didn’t think boys could like boys. It wasn’t something anyone had told him couldn’t happen, it just wasn’t something anyone told him could happen. Plus, he’d gotten giddy and stupid over girls in his class before. It felt really similar to this, but not nearly as fluttery. 

“I like Iwa-chan.” Mihoko agreed, grinning with her silly, checkerboard teeth. She had started losing baby teeth recently and they were dropping like flies.

“No, Mi-chan. I like-like Iwa-chan.” Oikawa corrected, glancing toward his mom, pleased when she didn’t look over at them. When he looked back at Mihoko, she was giving him that quizzical look she gave every time she didn’t get anything. Oikawa groaned.

“I like Iwa-chan like mom likes dad.” Oikawa said, hoping she got it. She continued to make the face and Oikawa thought about how else to explain it. “I want to be the mommy to Iwa-chan’s daddy.” Oikawa clarified, hoping this made sense. Mihoko crinkled her nose and laughed.

“You can’t be a mommy! You’re a boy!” She said, laughing again as if it was silly he would say it. Oikawa turned red and averted his gaze, playing awkwardly with his shoelaces. That had been a stupid choice of explanation, Mihoko had no idea that mom’s and dad’s felt things for each other they didn’t feel for anyone else. Oikawa had tried asking once several months ago, but it had been hard to follow and he only vaguely recalled what mom had said. 

“I don’t want to be a mommy, I want to be like mommy is to daddy.” He tried again, but he had lost Mihoko. She was still laughing at him. “Fine, I’ll be a daddy. Iwa-chan and I can be daddies together.” Oikawa pouted, angry that he had even tried telling Mihoko this. He knew she wouldn’t understand.

“There can’t be two daddies! There has to be a mommy and a daddy!” She insisted, knocking her blocks over, several hitting Oikawa’s legs where he sat. 

“Boys can’t like boys?” He asked, realizing that maybe she was right. There was only ever and boy and a girl, never a boy and a boy. Oikawa felt his body get heavy. What was this? This was a new feeling. It was similar to when he didn’t get to eat the food he wanted, but without the desire to throw a fit or get angry. 

“Mommy! To-chan wants to be a daddy!” Mihoko called loudly, snapping Oikawa out of his pity party.

“No, Mi-chan! Don’t tell her!” Oikawa whisper shouted, realizing it was too late when his mom entered the room, wiping her hands on a towel.

“You want to be a daddy, To-chan? That’s awesome!” She said, coming closer and sitting on the couch behind Oikawa. Turning a darker shade of red, he looked away, now definitely regretting talking to Mihoko about this.

“He wants to be Iwa-chan’s daddy!” Mihoko exclaimed proudly. Oikawa crinkled his nose and looked at his sister. That was stupid, he hadn’t even said that. His mom turned pink and looked down at Oikawa, ready to say something before Oikawa cut her off.

“I didn’t say that, Mi-chan.” Oikawa snapped, angry at his sister for saying anything. Their mom watched this with an expression Oikawa hadn’t seen before. He was suddenly really angry that he felt all fluttery around Iwa-chan. He was angry he had ever brought it up and angry that he was being told something he didn’t want to hear.

“I told him he can’t be, because there can’t be two daddies!” Mihoko explained to their mom, proudly grinning at her as she spoke. Oikawa turned a darker shade of pink and stood suddenly, kicking several blocks at Mihoko. She immediately began to wail, though the blocks couldn’t have hurt, Oikawa hadn’t kicked them that hard.

“Tooru!” His mom exclaimed as Oikawa turned and raced from the room. He was so stupid! He should have never said anything to Mihoko! As soon as he was in his room, he slid the door shut as quickly as he could, satisfied with the loud thud he got out of it. Then he threw himself on his bed and began to cry, angry at himself and Mihoko.

\----

Oikawa was excited when he found out that Iwa-chan was in the same volleyball club as him. He had been going for a year and had yet to find anyone he actually liked playing with. Everyone was good, but none of them seemed as interested in winning as he did. However, the instant Iwa-chan walked in the door, he knew this would be the best few years of his life.

And it was.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi became inseparable, found apart only during school hours. After the incident with Mihoko, Oikawa had been careful about what he said to anyone. His mom had asked him what Mihoko had been talking about and he had finally gotten her to stop asking by repeatedly telling her Mihoko was just being a stupid baby. He began holding in the conflicting feelings. He was confused, this feeling was a lot like the one mom had described when talking about her feelings for dad.

She had said that it was a fluttery feeling that made it feel like there were butterflies in her tummy. That she wanted to be around him all day, even if it wasn’t possible. She had told him that her feelings for his dad had brought him and Mihoko into existence, though she wouldn’t tell him why. Oikawa felt so fluttery around Iwa-chan, felt miserable when away from him, and wouldn’t have minded actually being a dad with Iwa-chan. 

But he tried to refrain from saying anything to anyone. 

Years passed like this, Oikawa felt more and more unsettled by his liking of Iwa-chan as they grew closer to graduation and the start of junior high. He wanted to know more, but he had no idea who he was supposed to ask. His parents wouldn’t understand, and Mihoko would just tell his parents. Telling Iwa-chan was stupid, because all of this was about Iwa-chan. His teachers wouldn’t get it either, so he had to keep it inside, hoping to one day figure it out.

When the first day of junior high rolled around, Oikawa was determined to focus on volleyball. He was going to ignore these feelings. Maybe even try to have his first girlfriend, since so many other kids were thinking about what it would be like. Iwa-chan was pushed out of his thoughts every time he came up, which was a lot. Now that they were in junior high, they would have school teams for volleyball, so he wouldn’t see Iwa-chan as often. In fact, he planned on never seeing Iwa-chan ever again. 

His heart told him it was a bad idea, that he needed to see Iwa-chan every day. But his head said that it was best to ignore him if it meant trying to be normal and having a girlfriend. Life would be easier this way, he decided. No Iwa-chan, no problems. Junior high would go smoothly and he would pursue volleyball into high school and he would have a girlfriend. He’d be the dad in a dad and mom duo, not a dad and dad duo. 

Life punched him in the gut by putting Iwa-chan in his class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Time: Junior High


	3. It's A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa and Iwaizumi brave the world of junior high, girls, and volleyball with the big boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long! I've been really busy, but here you go! I'm going to try and update more consistently now!

Oikawa stood, shocked, as his eyes met with Iwa-chan’s. He’d spent the entirety of the summer trying to forget Iwa, assuming they wouldn’t be going to the same class and, yet, here he was. He sat, surrounded by a group of other boys laughing at something one of them had just said. Oikawa couldn’t help but crack a small smile when he saw that look on Iwa-chan’s face.

But when their eyes met, it was like time had stopped.

And then it played at two times the speed.

“Oikawa!” Iwa-chan exclaimed, pushing himself to a stand and pressing his palms to his desk. All the boys around him suddenly turned to see what Iwaizumi was looking at and, for the first time in his life, Oikawa felt like he was being judged. 

“I-Iwa-chan! I didn’t know you’d be in my class.” Oikawa stuttered, cringing as the boys around Iwa started to snicker. 

“You never gave me the chance to ask what class you’d be in, idiot.” Iwa-chan pushed passed the boys surrounding him and approached Oikawa. It took Oikawa a few seconds before he got his own legs functioning and was able to approach Iwa from the other side of the room. They met in the middle and Oikawa caught the musk of wet dog and tree sap. It was disgusting, honestly, but it was Iwa-chan.

“Eh-“ Oikawa started, interrupted by Iwa-chan punching him in the shoulder and then wrapping his arm around his neck.

“You avoid me all summer and this is what I get? No explanation?” Iwa-chan teased, forcing Oikawa’s head down, causing him to double over, air swept from his lungs not only due to an arm around his neck but also his proximity to Iwaizumi. So much for trying to forget him.

“S-sorry, Iwa-chan! I’ve been really b-busy lately.” Oikawa lied, hoping Iwaizumi couldn’t see his face. Iwa-chan had become adept at calling Oikawa’s bluff, but only if he saw his face. With Oikawa’s face almost buried in Iwa’s torso, the likelihood of him calling his bluff now was slim.

“Yeah, well, call next time.” This was a whisper, spoken directly into Oikawa’s ear as he was released, coming face to face with some of the boys Iwaizumi had been speaking to. The one directly in front of him was attractive. Not like Iwaizumi, but still enough to get Oikawa’s attention.

“Who’s this, Iwaizumi? And why does he call you –chan?” The boy asked, looking Oikawa up and down, joined by his three buddies in either side of him.

“This is Oikawa Tooru, a friend of mine.” Iwaizumi explained. “And I’ve been telling him for years not to call me that.” Iwa-chan responded, not sounding as annoyed as he usually was when Oikawa called him Iwa-chan. 

“Really? I never saw him at school, where did you meet him?” Oikawa was starting to realize he might be competing with the jealous boyfriend, who didn’t look at Iwaizumi at all as he asked these questions.

“I met him at a festival, he went to a different elementary school. Geez, Ikeda, what are you, my mom?” Iwaizumi shot Ikeda a confused look, earning a snicker from the rest of the boys around them. Ikeda finally dropped eye contact with Oikawa and began fending them off, a small blush crossing his cheeks as he did so. 

Oikawa slowly learned that Iwaizumi and Ikeda had been good friends since their first year in elementary school. Matsumoto lived next door to Ikeda but it took a couple of years before either boy learned this, and Sato and Akiyama had joined the group only two years before the end of their time at elementary school. 

The six boys were all in the same class together and it didn’t take long before they became good friends. More often than not they were forced to sit in different areas of the room due to their habit of disrupting lessons, but lunches were often chaotic and eventful.

Oikawa enjoyed their company and participated in their jokes and games, but he was never one to initiate stuff. Picking on girls, doing gross things, and not doing homework was fine by him, but starting each game wasn’t his style. Matsumoto was more often the one to start games. He had a habit of coming up with creative ideas and passing notes during class. He never got caught doing these things, which only encouraged him.

Sato was always reluctant to mess with anyone but the combined forces of Akiyama and Ikeda always managed to persuade him. Iwaizumi was similar to Oikawa, there for the fun but simply in the background. The only difference between them was, when they did play games or pranks, Iwaizumi was much more involved. 

Without warning, and to the boys’ surprise, their first Valentine’s Day as junior high students came around. Girls could be seen holding goodies and boxes and cards, huddled in groups and whispering urgently. Oikawa arrived at school to find three boxes of homemade chocolates already piled in his shoe locker. 

When they all got to class, he found four more on his desk. Sato, already sitting at his desk, got up to join him.

“You had three in your shoe locker? You’re really lucky, Oikawa! I’ve only gotten three in total.” Sato, pointed to where there was a pile of four chocolate boxes on his desk.

“There are four there, Sato.” Oikawa pointed out calmly, having counted three times before informing his friend. Sato’s head whipped around and he practically jumped over to his desk to see who the fourth was from.

Iwaizumi and Ikeda showed up at the same time, dropping their bags by their desks before noticing the pile Oikawa had gathered.

“Damn, Oikawa! Where did all those come from?” Ikeda asked, leaning over Oikawa’s desk and eyeballing all the boxes. Iwaizumi looked a little disgruntled, but had a box of his own. 

“I dunno, I guess some of the girls in our class.” Oikawa responded, looking over the names on each of the boxes. He recognized most of them, but there were a couple that were unfamiliar. Chocolate was nice, but he had never really cared that much about attention from girls. Iwaizumi had pointed out numerous times when girls would turn to look at him and then giggle about something with their friends. Whenever Oikawa glanced over, they’d all dissolve in fits of laughter before going somewhere that Oikawa couldn’t see them.

“We’re only first years, how are you already getting so many?” Sato asked, coming back with one of his boxes in hand. The boys went back and forth all day about this. When the day had finally ended, they compared their box totals with all the other boys in class. Oikawa had gotten the most with Sato in second, holding half as many. 

On White Day, Oikawa returned the favor and thanked all the girls for their treats, but simply left it at that. Love wasn’t something he wanted. Plus, he didn’t really like any of the girls like that. They were all too young for anything serious, Oikawa didn’t want to get their hopes up.

The rest of the year went about the same as it always did, though the mystery of the many boxes was still on the minds of most of the boys. 

In their second year, it only got worse.

\----

Oikawa sighed, leaning against the wall as the girl ran off. She hadn’t cried, which was good, but she was still very upset. 

It was only three months into the year and Oikawa was getting confessions from girls in his class. Some first years even confessed to him. It was sad. All these girls were pretty, but he didn’t want anything with them. They were throwing themselves at someone who just wanted to be their friend.

Getting off the wall, Oikawa stepped back into the classroom and sat at his desk to resume lunch. All five of his friends sat around, waiting for something to happen. They had been split up – three and three – but that didn’t stop them from eating lunch together. Now that Oikawa got a new confession every two weeks, they definitely weren’t going to miss out on lunch.

“So?” Ikeda asked, leaning closer. Oikawa looked up, chopsticks halfway to his mouth, sushi just waiting to be consumed. 

“What?” He asked, popping it into his mouth. Ikeda groaned and threw his head back. Oikawa knew exactly what, but he loved playing coy, especially if he got to see Ikeda’s throat. There was something about that boy’s neck that was so attractive. Sure, nothing could rival Iwaizumi, but Ikeda was quite the looker.

“The girl, she confessed, right?” Ikeda asked, leaning back in, anticipation written all over his face. 

“Yeah.” Oikawa responded, popping more food into his mouth as his friends groaned again. Iwaizumi seemed to be the only one not interested in what Oikawa was saying. He glanced over and made faces like he was annoyed, but Iwa-chan was always making those faces, it was hard to tell when he was actually interested in something.

“And? What did you say?” Ikeda didn’t repeat the same mistake twice and asked what he meant before Oikawa had a chance to respond to the first question. Matsumoto didn’t look as interested, but the way he leaned in his desk while eating his lunch indicated he was curious as well. Sato was apparently trying to hide his interest, but wasn’t doing very well.

“No, of course.” Oikawa responded, taking another bite of his lunch. All of his friends groaned, this time Iwa-chan joined in. Oikawa shot a nervous glance Iwa-chan’s way, but was glad when it appeared Iwa didn’t notice. Why was Iwaizumi so exasperated? Didn’t he not care?

“Oikawa, that’s the second one this week!” Ikeda exclaimed, throwing his hands about to add emphasis to his words. Akiyama nodded in agreement but Sato and Matsumoto simply went back to eating lunch. They had grown used to Oikawa rejecting every girl that confessed to him.

“Yeah, and the sixth this year!” Akiyama added. Oikawa shrugged, his indifference clear. Why did they all insist he go out with one of these girls? None of them had girlfriends. Sure, none of them had been confessed to, but they weren’t actively looking for a relationship.

“I don’t really care. Plus, volleyball is my sole focus. I want to be the best in the prefecture.” Oikawa explained, earning eye rolls from the two friends still actively listening. 

“I thought you said you wanted to be best in all of Japan?” Iwaizumi asked, making Oikawa jump. He’d been listening this whole time? Oikawa had thought he had lost interest when Matsumoto and Sato had. A small spark of hope was added to the flame burning in Oikawa’s heart. This happened every time the ever brutish Iwa-chan did something actually sweet. Like listen when Oikawa spoke.

“I figured I’d start small, ya know? Best in the prefecture is a good place to start.” Oikawa responded, shooting him a teasing look. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes this time. 

“Oikawa Tooru? Starting small!?” Akiyama was the one speaking now, his comment making the entire group laugh. Oikawa chuckled lightly, shooting glances at Iwaizumi occasionally, glad for the subject change. He wasn’t sure how long he could hold out against the questions. If he reached high school without ever having a girlfriend, his friends were going to be asking different questions.

\----

Oikawa always walked home alone, though sometimes Iwaizumi liked going the long way home just to keep his friend company. Today was one of those lucky days, though Oikawa didn’t expect the conversation that started shortly after they’d left the school.

“Oikawa, why don’t you like the girls who confess to you?” Iwa-chan asked, catching Oikawa off guard. He’d thought the subject was dead until the next confession.

“Um, well, they’re just not…um, I think they make better friends.” Oikawa responded, trying to avoid Iwa-chan’s eyes. There was a snort from beside him, a clear sign that Iwa didn’t believe him.

“Right.” He muttered, seemingly dropping the conversation. Oikawa waited to see if he would say something else, but they walked in silence for several minutes. After a while, Oikawa decided to try and bring up another conversation but Iwa-chan unknowingly cut him off. 

“If I had a billion girls confessing to me, I’d have accepted all of them.” Iwa-chan said, surprising Oikawa. Iwa had never struck Oikawa as the romantic type, but his voice had gone soft and his eyes distant. The flame in his heart grew bigger.

“I thought you only cared about volleyball and bugs?” Oikawa asked, nudging Iwaizumi slightly, successfully bringing Iwaizumi back down to Earth. 

“No. I dunno. I guess, junior high is making me change my mind.” Iwaizumi grumbled, nudging Oikawa back until they were in a shoving war, laughing as they ran down the street, trying to push each other and avoid being pushed.

Before long, they finally reached the shortcut Iwaizumi took to his house. Their running slowed to a stop and they stood there, silent. Oikawa finally acted, punching him lightly in the shoulder only to be stopped as Iwaizumi grabbed his hand. A sharp zap shocked Oikawa’s body as Iwaizumi grabbed his hand. As normal a gesture as this was, Iwaizumi rarely touched Oikawa’s hands. A tickly feeling bubble in his chest and down toward his stomach. Oikawa felt dizzy and giddy all at once.

“Think about the next confession seriously, Oikawa, maybe she’ll be better.” Iwa-chan said, dropping Oikawa’s hand and running off down the shortcut. He waved goodbye, met only by a very halfhearted Oikawa, before disappearing around the corner.

Oikawa floated on a cloud all the way home. He almost didn’t notice when his sister barged into his room yelling about what she had done that day. He barely remembered dinner or the fact that taking out the trash was his least favorite chore. He absently asked his mom for computer privileges for the night, bringing the families laptop into his bedroom after much begging. There was something he wanted to look up and he was pretty sure it would not go by well with his parents. 

Despite the comment Iwa-chan had made before running off, Oikawa had been stuck on the amazing sensation his touch had sent through his body. He wanted to know what it was and if there was any way to sustain it. 

 

Valentine’s Day in their second year was about the same as in their first, though Oikawa got more goodies than the year before. Iwaizumi was pleased to have gotten a few more boxes as well. Despite everyone having gotten chocolate and being pleased to have wooed at least a few ladies, Oikawa’s haul was still enough to great jealousy among male classmates. 

For the rest of the school year, Oikawa continued to get confessions and reject them, earning more exasperation from his friends. 

Their third year brought more flame to Oikawa’s fire.

\----

By their third and final year in junior high, Oikawa had perfected his rejection of the girls who confessed to him. Despite his notorious nature for rejecting every confession he got, he still got confessions. 

After practice one particular day, Iwa-chan complained about Oikawa’s complete indifference toward these girls. The club room was almost completely empty except for Iwaizumi and Oikawa and a couple of first years somewhere out of sight. Not necessarily out of earshot.

“I wish I had girls falling all over me! Oikawa, I don’t know how you do it! You’re not charming at all, yet girls are confessing to you every week!” Iwa-chan was complaining as he pulled his shirt over his head to change back into his uniform. Oikawa, too, was changing, but far slower, distracted by the new muscles along Iwa’s back. When had he become so strong?

“Please, Iwa-chan, you know I’m charming. Besides, it’s not just charm, it’s my natural good looks.” Oikawa said, quickly pulling his shirt over his head so he wouldn’t miss the show. Iwa-chan turned swiftly, Oikawa’s eyes darting toward the floor to pretend he wasn’t staring.

“Are you calling me ugly?” Iwaizumi asked, his voice hostile, as it often was when he was in a bad mood. Oikawa couldn’t help but feel a tingle at the brutish way he spoke. Why was rough and rugged so handsome?

“Of course not, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa responded, allowing himself to look up. It took all his energy not to melt at the sight of Iwa’s abs and rippling chest muscles. He was only a third year in junior high, how was he so hot already? Oikawa found his own charm to be boy-ish and immature. Iwaizumi seemed almost like a high schooler, older and stronger, which was likely what made him so attractive.

“You think I’m attractive?” Iwa-chan’s expression recoiled, as if slightly in disgust. Pain immediately shot through Oikawa’s heart as Iwaizumi began pulling his uniform on. Following his lead, Oikawa shook his head, trying to shake the disappointment he felt as he realized Iwaizumi found it disgusting that Oikawa thought he was attractive. Oh the expression on his face if Iwaizumi knew Oikawa thought he was hot!

“Iwa-chan, what do you want me to say? You’re mad if you think I’m calling you ugly, but repulsed if I call you attractive!” Oikawa exclaimed, holding back a whimper as Iwaizumi buttoned his shirt back up. Following suit, he pulled his shirt over his shoulders and began rebuttoning it. 

“What do you think girls see when they look at me?” Iwa-chan asked, pouting slightly as he realized that Oikawa was right. His phrasing of the question sounded careful and well thought out. Another pang shot through Oikawa’s heart, but he couldn’t tell what this one meant.

“Hmm, well….” Oikawa looked Iwa up and down, something he had done so many times before but now had an excuse to. Iwaizumi turned and looked at him, slipping his practice shorts off and making Oikawa’s mouth go dry.

“Uh, well, um, let’s see.” Oikawa stuttered, trying hard to get his mind out of the gutter. “You’re tall, ruggish, well built. Your arms are so strong, Iwa-chan, that gives you a bonus in their books. But your sharp, rough around the edges. Kind of intimidating.” Oikawa explained, his observations facts he had overheard girls saying about Iwa-chan. Honestly, his hostility was part of what made him so attractive to Oikawa, but he left that out.

“Seriously? You think I look intimidating?” Iwaizumi asked, opening his arms wide as if to gesture to himself. It took most of Oikawa’s will power not to look down as Iwa-chan hadn’t put his pants back on.

“Iwa-chan, you’re bigger than most boys at this school. Also, you don’t talk much and your expression stays generally the same. Did you know your resting face was set to angry gorilla?” Oikawa asked as Iwa-chan dropped his arms and leaned down to grab his pants. Oikawa held back a laugh as Iwa grabbed a shoe at the same time, throwing it at Oikawa. It bounced harmlessly off his forearms, but he couldn’t help but smile as he caught the blush on Iwa’s face. 

Oikawa sighed as his laugh faded and his eyes drifted. Iwaizumi had turned around again and was leaning over, pulling his foot through a stubborn pant leg. 

“Oikawa-san, where does this go?” Oikawa was interrupted from his show when a first year leaned around the corner holding up a rag. Red in the face and praying that Tobio-chan hadn’t caught him staring, he helped the first year locate the proper place to put the rag. When he returned, Iwa-chan was fully dressed and waiting on him impatiently.

\---

After the first few weeks of the year, Oikawa had lost focus on most of his schoolwork and tried his best to stop ogling his best friend while they were changing. It was extremely difficult to avoid when they practiced together, but practices had become far more stressful than usual after so many losses against Shiratorizawa. 

The first year, Tobio-chan, had far more promise than any player Oikawa had ever seen. They were competing for the position of setter, but Oikawa was a third year, so he automatically got the spot. However, the tiny first year was gaining on him quickly. One practice, the coach even sent in Tobio-chan instead of Oikawa. He’d been in a bad mood most of the day, but that had nearly been his breaking point. His true breaking point was later that night.

Oikawa would spend hours outside of practice practicing his sets and serves. Mostly serves, because he so badly wanted to have the upper hand to Tobio-chan. Something the small boy didn’t have the arm strength to do. 

It took months, but Oikawa finally got it. It was his thing, no one else could do it. But Tobio-chan started to notice the serve. He was an innocent first year, but his skill was annoying. Oikawa felt like he was going to be out shone by this boy. Suddenly, volleyball became his biggest priority. Iwa-chan even seemed to be taking a back seat.

Every night, when Oikawa would practice his serve over and over again, Iwaizumi would wait for him to finish and then walk home with him. Despite his fatigue and anxiety, Oikawa still managed to find it in himself to feel giddy as a schoolgirl when Iwa did that. How sweet of him!

The Tobio-chan started asking for tips on how to do the serve. No one else knew how to do it and Oikawa wasn’t about to tell him. But Tobio-chan kept asking, persistent the little bugger. That night, Oikawa was practicing late, making his serve better, stronger.

He was vaguely aware of Iwa-chan standing in the doorway, but his focus was on the ball and nothing else, so his best friend and crush had faded into the background. After hitting a particularly weak serve, Oikawa bent over, ready to scream at the gym floor as if it was the floor’s fault he wasn’t getting the strength into the serve that he wanted. 

“Oikawa-san, can you show me how to do that serve?” It was Tobio-chan, out late practicing. Oikawa thought he had left when everyone else did. But there he was, standing beside Oikawa with that stupid look on his face. Tobio-chan was good at playing the humble, yet entitled, prodigy. He radiated innocence, but Oikawa could see through that façade. He was really a bratty little first year who thought he was better than a third year who had been playing his ass off for years.

Oikawa forgot what happened until he saw Iwa-chan holding his arm, standing between him and Tobio-chan and it suddenly came rushing back. He didn’t hear what Iwaizumi told Tobio-chan, but Oikawa suddenly feared for his own self control. He’d almost hit a first year. His body began to shake and he felt almost near tears. He didn’t want to lose his control. Losing control meant possibly losing his position. 

“The change-up today was for your own good! You need to cool down, Oikawa!” Iwaizumi said, drawing Oikawa back to reality. Reality was a harsh, cold pool of icy water, and Oikawa didn’t want to be swimming in it.

“How can I cool down? I need to beat Shiratorizawa! I need to go to nationals! If I’m going to win, I need to-“ Oikawa was cut off by Iwaizumi, who appeared to be more angry than he usually was.

“’I’ this, ‘I’ that! It’s so annoying!” Without warning, Oikawa was knocked to the floor, dazed and dizzier than earlier. Tenderly he touched his face and found his nose was bleeding. Had Iwa-chan just…. Before he had a chance to wonder, Iwa-chan was leaning over him, holding him by the collar of his shirt. 

“Do you think you’re fighting by yourself?! Do you think what you’re doing is equal to what the team is doing!? If that’s what you think, I’m going to punch you!” Iwa shouted, his face mere centimeters from Oikawa’s. In any other situation, Oikawa would have been melting just to be this close to Iwa-chan’s lips, but the big red welt on Iwaizumi’s forehead was enough to snap him back to reality.

“You already did!” Oikawa exclaimed, completely ignored as Iwaizumi continued on his rant. 

“There’s no one on our team that can beat Ushiwaka one-on-one! However, there are six players on a team! Even if our opponent is some genius first year or Ushiwaka, the team with the better six always wins!” Iwaizumi yelled, startling Oikawa. What he said was true. It was an obvious truth, too, something Oikawa should have been better at remembering. 

Iwaizumi may have just heat butted him, but he was still being the big, soft hearted boy Oikawa had fallen in love with.

Oikawa laughed.

Iwaizumi dropped his shirt and took a step back, confused.

“Sorry, did I heat butt you too hard?” He asked, looking down at Oikawa with concern. Yeah, the head butt had hurt, but that wasn’t why Oikawa was laughing. His question almost made Oikawa laugh again but he didn’t, instead he shook his head and stood up. 

“No, no. I…I feel invincible.” Oikawa said, turning to look at Iwaizumi, smiling fondly at his friends face. The red welt was suddenly amusing, though Iwaizumi didn’t seem amused.

The team never beat Shiratorizawa in junior high, but Iwaizumi and Oikawa swore to each other that they would go to high school and they would beat the invincible Ushiwaka there. They sobbed as they swore this to each other and then sobbed some more when they said goodbye to their friends.

They still had an entire summer with them, but they wouldn’t be going to the same high school and then they would rarely see each other. But Oikawa suddenly felt at peace, during the closing ceremony, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

Despite the high stress of the year and the confusion he’d felt since elementary school, he suddenly understood a few things.

He was one person, but he had a team and friends there to support him. Iwaizumi was never going to leave him. And, the final one that had taken so many years to understand and the one that scared him the most:

He was gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: High school


	4. Give it a Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa and Iwaizumi make it through high school, battling feelings and depression along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys! Here's the first smut chapter. If you want to skip it stop reading at 'Oikawa fell onto his bed....' and start back up at 'No one would ever know'! It has no effect on the story, so enjoy!

After junior high, high school was a mess. The volleyball team knew about the award Oikawa had won and how good he and Iwaizumi were when they played together, but they didn’t get to start in games. They were given menial tasks like all the other first years and trained along the sidelines like all the other first years. Oikawa tried to show off, tried to show how good he was, but no one was paying attention.

“High school sucks. We’re never going to beat Shiratorizawa if we don’t get to play in the games.” Oikawa grumbled one day after practice. He and Iwaizumi were the last in the club room, having managed to convince the captain to let them practice for just a little longer. He was a nice guy, but it was still frustrating. 

“Yeah, well, I bet stupid Ushijima doesn’t get to start in games, either.” Iwa-chan said, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it halfheartedly into his locker. Oikawa stared at the beautifully developing shoulder muscles along Iwa-chan’s back. That was the back of a spiker, strong shoulder muscles made for delivering powerful blows.

“I guess you’re right, but it’s still so frustrating.” Oikawa groaned, pulling his own shirt off and folding it nicely at the bottom of his locker. That was one of the biggest differences between him and most of the guys on the team. None of them bothered to fold their clothes. It was always a mess in the club room, though the captain was pretty well organized and constantly reminded the other guys to pick up after themselves. 

Much of their first year went like this. Practicing in the background with the other first years. It gave Oikawa time to get to know the other guys and they slowly planned their overthrow of the upperclassmen. 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi were in different classes their first year as well. This didn’t stop them from eating lunch together, but they had to make new friends or else classes got really boring. 

From his time in junior high, Oikawa had become notorious for never accepting confessions from even the prettiest girls. Only the bravest tried to confess to him but most of them merely ogled over him. As much as Oikawa hated the attention, he basked in it, hoping maybe it would make Iwa-chan jealous.

It worked.

“Why do all the girls like you? You have a crappy personality.” Iwa-chan said one day at lunch, munching down angrily on his food, angry face definitely not turning Oikawa on.

“It’s because he’s good looking. No one looks quite as good as Oikawa-san.” Aki-chan, one of Oikawa’s classmates, had taken to eating lunch with them recently. He was in the basketball club, but he was still cool.

“You think I’m good looking, Aki-chan? How kind of you!” Oikawa cooed, pretending modesty and trying to slyly eye Iwaizumi out of the corner of his eye. Iwa looked up from his pouting for a moment to look Oikawa over before shrugging.

“He’s not bad.” Iwaizumi muttered into his food before taking another bite. Oikawa turned and glared at him, but Iwa-chan was too busy pouting at his food to be bothered to look up. 

During practices, girls who didn’t have club activities would flock outside the gyms windows. They weren’t exactly subtle, but they all enjoyed watching Oikawa practice. They’d all scream anytime he did something cool or his shirt rode up when he jumped. It was amusing how angry this made Iwaizumi. 

Their first year seemed to drag on for ages with the same old routine: go to class, eat lunch with Iwa-chan, get attention from girls, make Iwa-chan mad, go to practice, watch the third and second years play matches, watch Shiratorizawa win again, and so on. When it finally did end and the next captain was name, Oikawa was excited. As a second year, he had a likelier chance of playing on the team. Especially since he had improved so much over the last year. 

Summer was filled with practicing with Iwa-chan and catching up with their friends from junior high. They insisted on hanging out every single day of the summer and Oikawa barely got a chance alone with Iwa-chan.

When their second year finally started, it started with a sudden bang.

Oikawa walked into school and changed his shoes expecting nothing more than a few hellos from people he had known the previous year. As soon as he turned to head to class he was ambushed by a collective group of first year students. The girls all held cards with little heart stickers and Oikawa knew what was coming. One of the boys held a volleyball and a few of his friends were trying to steal it from him.

“You’re Oikawa Tooru!” Exclaimed a boy in the front of the pack. Oikawa looked around at everyone passing them by, hoping that maybe he was dreaming or delusional. He must not have been either because everyone around him was giving him and his new fan club weird looks.

“We were at Kitagawa Daiichi when you were given the award for being such a good setter! We’d like you to teach us everything!” The boy in front continued, bowing low, signaling to the other boys to bow as well. Oikawa took a step back, surprised, as more people began to gather to watch the show.

“And we’re your biggest fans!” The girls exclaimed, all squealing in unison. Oikawa was taken by surprise again. He knew he was popular with the ladies but this was ridiculous! These girls didn’t know the general rule: Oikawa didn’t accept confessions. 

“Hey, don’t make his ego bigger than it already is.” A hand clapped onto Oikawa’s shoulder. Jumping a bit, Oikawa’s head whipped around to the source of the voice to find Iwaizumi beside him, giving all the first years a look he couldn’t quite read.

“Iwa-chan, I can’t help that I’m so amazing.” Oikawa cooed, brushing the shock off as if it was nothing and giving the entire fan club a wink. The girls swooned and the guys yelled about how cool he was.

“You’re so full of garbage, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and directed Oikawa away from his new fan club. Was this making Iwa-chan jealous? Oikawa threw another wink at his fan club before Iwa could drag him too far away. They burst into another set of yells before Iwa-chan and Oikawa disappeared around a corner.

“You’re just jealous you don’t have your own fan club, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa wiggled in Iwaizumi’s grasp, cozying up closer to his friend. All he managed to accomplish was Iwa-chan detaching himself and rolling his eyes. 

“You know what, I think being full of trash makes you trashy.” Iwaizumi commented, earning a pout from Oikawa who had to trot slightly to catch up to Iwa-chan again. “Oh, even better! It makes you Trashykawa!” Iwa-chan exclaimed, turning to shoot Oikawa shit-eating grin and immediately the pout deepened on Oikawa’s lower lip.

“Iwa-chan, why are you so mean?” Oikawa whined, following Iwaizumi to their classroom. Iwaizumi continued to use this nickname throughout the rest of their second year, adding several other nicknames to the list.

Volleyball got better during their second year. Due to a great lack of third year setters who were any good, coach chose Oikawa as their starter setter. Iwaizumi got to play occasionally as the cool off to their ace who could get fired up really quickly sometimes. The first years in the club absolutely worshipped both of them. Oikawa wondered if it was his imagination, but they seemed to worship Iwa-chan more than him after several months.

Life has become repetitive by February, but a far more interesting repetitive compared to the endless droll of their first year. 

Valentine’s Day surprised no one when it arrived and further lacked surprise when Oikawa was sprinkled with gift boxes the whole day. Oikawa was almost late, knocking several boxes off his desk as he slipped into his seat just before the teacher arrived. 

“What the-“ Oikawa muttered under his breath at the pile nearly at eye level. He was unable to finish voicing his exasperated shock as the teacher entered the room and class had to start. Oikawa had nowhere to put the stack of boxes during class so he stuffed them haphazardly into his desk and around his feet underneath the desk. 

At lunch time he was joined by almost the entire class as the ogled over the sheer amount of boxes he had gotten. 

“Who are they all from?” One student asked, picking up a couple of boxes to read the names. Another classmate picked up a few and asked if he could have them. Yet another muttered obscenities under his breath, angry that Oikawa was so popular.

“I’m just that popular.” Oikawa attempted to play it off as coy and flirtatious but his incredulity at his own popularity came through. While people pushed and shoved to see who the boxes were from and tried to count how many there were, Oikawa looked up to Iwa-chan’s desk to find him looking at the tag of one of the three boxes he had gotten. 

His expression was soft, a look Oikawa had rarely ever seen on his face before. The way he turned the tag on the box caused the blood to drain from Oikawa’s face. He looked…lovestruck. Was the giver of the box special to Iwa-chan? How had Oikawa not noticed? They were practically attached at the hip.

His thoughts were interrupted when the teacher came into class and told everyone to sit back down and get ready for the next lesson. Iwaizumi slipped the box into his desk and focused on the lesson. 

When the day was finally over and Oikawa was trying to find a way to get all his boxes home, Iwaizumi disappeared. He left his things, indicating he was going to return, but Oikawa was still worried. 

Finally managing to shove the last box into a spare bag someone had lent him, Oikawa zipped it shut and stood just as Iwa-chan entered the room. He was holding the same box from earlier and wearing that same dopey, lovestruck expression.

“Where were you?” Oikawa asked, hoping he sounded casual because his nerves had suddenly decided to do a crazy dance in his stomach.

“Hitoka-san just confessed to me.” Iwaizumi said, meandering slowly over to his desk, tucking the box into a pocket and smiling at Oikawa. Heart pounding and blood racing, Oikawa resisted asking what he’d responded with. The look on Iwaizumi’s face said enough but Oikawa didn’t want to hear him say it.

“Yeah?” Oikawa finally managed, afraid any more might reveal his fear that he was going to lose Iwa-chan. Why was he thinking like this? He knew Iwaizumi was straight, he couldn’t pretend for much longer that maybe he could have him.

“Yeah. Um, she’s my girlfriend now.” Iwaizumi responded, his dopey grin getting just a bit bigger. Oikawa had to force a smile, shaky and weak, hands pressing against his desk to fight the weakness in his legs. It was happening. Proof Oikawa knew he didn’t need but was afraid he was going to get. Iwa-chan was straight and there was nothing he could do about it. 

\----

Oikawa fell onto his bed dramatically, letting out a deep sigh and closing his eyes. No one was home, which was only kind of odd. His parents wouldn’t be home from work for a while, which was normal, but he figured Mihoko must have extended club activities. 

Today had been far from ideal. Iwa-chan had a girlfriend? Oikawa knew Iwa-chan was straight, but a part of him had hoped he wouldn’t ever end up with someone else. He would just forever be a possibility, just out of reach but still available.

Oikawa wanted to scream. Wanted to cry and break down and never leave his room again. Why was life so cruel? Why had it given him Iwa-chan with his rippling muscles and gorgeous face and thick neck and broad chest and….

Oikawa’s dick twitched.

Immediately his eyes shot open and he looked down. Images of Iwa-chan had been running through his mind: him removing his shirt, him going in for a spike, him removing his pants. Flashing through his mind was Iwaizumi removing his boxers, something Oikawa hadn’t seen before but could imagine vividly and his dick twitched again.

Surprised, Oikawa sat up a bit in his bed, reaching a hand toward his pants, stopping before the waist band. He’d masturbated plenty of times before, but never to the thought of Iwaizumi. One half of his mind hated that he really wanted to masturbate to the thought of his best friend. The other half of his mind was dying to masturbate to the thought of his long time crush. The lustful side of his brain won out and Oikawa slowly slid his hand down the front of his pants and stroked his dick. 

Groaning, Oikawa pictured Iwaizumi slowly removing his boxers, tight ass clenching as he kept his balance. To his surprise, Oikawa found his dick harder than he’d ever gotten it before. He was both pleased and disgusted, but continued with the pleased feeling in mind. 

Slowly he pulled his pants and his boxers down to his knees, closing his eyes and imagining that it was Iwa-chan pulling them down and tossing them onto the floor. Iwa-chan lifted his hips off the bed and rested them on those beautiful thighs, his own hard length just centimeters away from Oikawa’s ass.

Oikawa slowly let go of himself to let Iwaizumi jerk him off, his rough, callused fingers leaving a completely different sensation on Oikawa’s cock. It felt good, got him off harder. Sadly, Oikawa’s imagination wasn’t nearly vivid enough to conjure up a blow job, but just imaging the idea of Iwa-chan’s hot, puckered lips over his cock was enough to make him squirm. 

Biting his lip, Oikawa held back pleasure that Iwa-chan would have certainly insisted he vocalize. But Mihoko could be home any minute and he didn’t want his sister to see him jerking himself off. Knitting his eyebrows closer together to push through the pleasure, Oikawa rocked his hips upward into Iwaizumi’s grip, loving every second of it.

He let out a small gasp when he felt cold, wetness dribble around his entrance and looked up at Iwa-chan to see him lubricating Oikawa’s entrance. Grinning at his imaginary Iwa-chan, Oikawa laid his head back down and allowed Iwaizumi to press a finger tentatively to his entrance and then push all the way in. 

Oikawa couldn’t help but shout, biting his lip immediately to hold back the noise. If this hadn’t been imaginary, he would have used his own hand to cover his mouth. But it was, and both his hands were busy with himself. He bit his lip harder, focusing on the pleasure and the pulling and pushing of Iwa-chan’s rough finger in his asshole.

Not long after the first finger entered Oikawa, a second joined it. Less time followed the second before a third was entered and Iwa-chan was thrusting hard. Oikawa bucked his hips harder into Iwa-chan’s hand and onto Iwa-chan’s fingers. His crush gave him one last swift push before curling his fingers and immediately hitting prostate, making Oikawa moan deep in his throat. 

Then the fingers pulled out.

Oikawa looked up at Iwaizumi watching as his fingers detached themselves from Oikawa’s dick and disappeared out of view near his ass. Whimpering as quietly as he could, he got imaginary Iwa-chan’s attention but was met with a low growl that made his dick twitch. So maybe he had a dominance kink….That was new information.

Waiting patiently, or rather impatiently, Oikawa watched as imaginary Iwa-chan slipped a condom onto his own dick, making Oikawa’s dick twitch again. Alas, imaginary Iwa’s dick felt like four fingers being inserted all at once, but Oikawa was a second year in high school, where was he going to get his hands on a dildo without his parents knowing? He didn’t get an allowance unless he gave a good reason for needing the money.

Iwaizumi’s first thrust was slow and tentative, but he slowly pulled out and paused for a moment before he thrust back in at a pace Oikawa could barely keep with his own fingers. Oikawa bucked and thrust his hips to milk as much pleasure out of this sensation as he could manage, but he barely felt the fourth finger.

Still, just imaging Iwaizumi pounding his dick into Oikawa was enough to make Oikawa’s tension tighten further and further and further and before he knew it he was spurting sticky, white cum all over his stomach, luckily managing to get nothing onto the blankets. 

Panting and exhausted, Oikawa removed his fingers gingerly and imaginary Iwaizumi dissipated. For what felt like hours, Oikawa lay in bed, catching his breath and feeling the guilt take him over. He should have never listened to his lustful side. 

Oikawa closed his eyes and would have fallen asleep if he hadn’t heard the front door open and close down the hallway. He bolted upright and cleaned himself off, changing his shirt and wiping off what he could of the cum on the one he had been wearing. His mom wouldn’t ask what it was if it just looked like a wet spot. Pulling on a fresh pair of boxers and his pants, he pretended to stretch to cool himself off and exited the room, pretending he had been napping and was just getting up to use the bathroom.

No one would ever know.

\----

The next couple of days were awkward. 

Oikawa had a hard time looking into Iwaizumi’s eyes after what he had done. All he could think of when he saw Iwa-chan’s face was the pissed look he’d been wearing in Oikawa’s imagination. This did not have pleasant results and Oikawa was forced to think of something super off putting for the next several minutes.

Not only did he feel guilty, but he felt depressed. He knew Iwaizumi couldn’t be his, but seeing him hand in hand with a girl did nothing for Oikawa’s mood. After seeing her the day after Valentine’s Day, Oikawa realized he did know her. She’d been in their class the whole year and spent a lot of time with the both of them. Oikawa had just blocked her out somehow.

After he got over his guilt phase, he found it was actually easy to avoid Iwa despite being in the same class and same club. During lunch, Hitoka would eat with Iwa-chan and Oikawa would eat alone or with other classmates. In practice, Oikawa would work with the rest of the starter team and Iwaizumi would bounce back and forth between both, rarely talking to Oikawa. They stopped walking home together so that Iwaizumi could walk Hitoka home.

Oikawa had thought avoiding him would make it better but it only made it worse.

His thoughts were on Iwa-chan every moment of the day. He drilled himself into schoolwork and volleyball to keep his mind off of him, but kept finding his thoughts lingering. Nighttime was when the thoughts were the worst. They wouldn’t leave him alone until he had released himself to his imaginary Iwa-chan. Guilt would overcome him every night. By the time their third year rolled around, guilt never struck Oikawa after his late night day dreaming sessions.

They started their third year without any noticeable effects. Summer had been the darkest time of Oikawa’s life, filled with loneliness and negative thoughts. He slaved over volleyball until his body almost couldn’t take it. He was hungry and tired and skinny. His mother worried one day when he came home from practicing heaving more than usual. She finally forbid him from working on his volleyball unless Mihoko was with him. Oikawa begrudgingly listened to her and his health improved, but his mental state remained the same.

Arriving on the first day of school was like walking voluntarily to his death. People waved and smiled and he forced a mask, hoping no one would see through it. He changed his shoes with little enthusiasm, his energy lower than it should have been. Heading to class, he threw more halfhearted smiles at familiar faces. Shouts of ‘captain’ came down the hallways, reminding him how his slaving over volleyball had paid off, but he couldn’t feel happy about it. 

Entering his classroom, he slipped into a desk and stared out the window, unsure how worth it school was going to be if he lacked the brains to do any good. Why was he even into volleyball? He wasn’t that good….

“Oi, Oikawa!” This shout barely dug Oikawa out of his stupor, but he turned his head as quickly as he could manage to avoid alerting the person to what might be under his skin. His eyes widened and his heart began to beat faster when he realized it was Iwa-chan.

“I-Iwa-chan.” His voice cracked, but he covered it up by coughing. 

“Where were you all summer? I kept trying to get into contact with you but you were never home.” Iwaizumi growled, pushing around desks to get to Oikawa’s. When he finally arrived Oikawa had to avoid staring straight ahead, his eyes level with Iwa-chan’s hips.

“I was busy. I figured you would be too, with Hitoka.” Oikawa responded, fighting the urge to get his hopes up that Iwa-chan had been getting into contact with him. It was probably about summer homework or something.

“We broke up two weeks into the summer. I thought you knew.” Iwaizumi informed him, a slight lilt of surprise in his tone. Oikawa’s heart finally won over his mind and his hopes rose sky high. Iwa-chan was single again!? Oikawa’s mind tried desperately to warn Oikawa’s heart that nothing was going to come of this hope, but his heart was drowning its protests.

“Oh?” Oikawa asked, internally kicking himself for audibly sounding hopeful. Iwa-chan nodded and then kicked Oikawa’s desk leg.

“Don’t avoid me again, ‘kay?” He grumbled, a light brush of pink crossing his cheeks as he turned to leave the room. 

“I would never avoid you, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa cooed, watching Iwaizumi leave the room. Joy surged through his body. Life was good again! Iwa-chan was back! 

The rest of their third year was filled with wins and losses and crazy matches. Oikawa did well in school and amazing on the court. He and Iwaizumi were an unstoppable team for most of their last year, but there was only so far they could do. Before long, the year drew to a close and they were graduating, having pushed through university exams and gotten into schools with good teams. Oikawa was going to be playing for Japan’s national team, an honor he was surprised to have won. 

Graduation was both a tear fest and a party. Filled with laughing, smiling, and crying students as they broke away from the sea of caps and gowns, students joined their family members. Mihoko was there with both of their parents, having dragged a few news stations there to see if they could get any scoops on the company head or his family. 

When their parents broke off to speak with some of the teachers, Mihoko and Oikawa wandered the grounds, talking to other students and friends. They headed toward a large crowd of students that Oikawa recognized: the volleyball team. As they approached, one rather ruggedly handsome young man stepped away from the crowd, a massive grin on his face.

Oikawa sighed, ready to spring into Iwaizumi’s arms for the one time he was going to ever get a hug from his friend. Turning his head toward Mihoko, time seemed to move in slow motion as he caught her dopey, lovestruck expression. Oikawa felt his heart sink, his blood run cold, his nerves die. 

No, no, no. No, this was not happening, Oikawa thought as she broke into a grin, looked down at the ground, and then looked at him sheepishly before asking the question that held so much meaning and lead to his inevitable doom:

“To-chan, who’s that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Mihoko and Iwa-chan meet


	5. Helpless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mihoko meets and falls for Iwaizumi and the boys have a graduation party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys! Here ya go! More Oikawa angst. This stuff is going to get really intense really fast, so beware and enjoy!

“Who’s that? Mi-chan, that’s Iwa-chan!” Oikawa forced a smile and a laugh, afraid she’d be able to see right through him. Luckily – sadly? – she didn’t, as she was too occupied with not staring at Iwaizumi as he approached. 

“Iwa-chan? I haven’t seen him since you were in elementary school. I thought you two had stopped hanging out.” Mihoko admitted, her surprised expression turning toward Oikawa as they spoke. Oikawa forced another laugh as they finally reached Iwa-chan.

“Iwa-chan! I’m going to miss you so much!” Oikawa wailed, flinging his arms around his friend and hoping maybe, just maybe, Mihoko would be too shy to say anything. Iwaizumi grumbled, stumbling slightly with surprise as Oikawa flung his entire weight onto his friend. Luckily, Iwaizumi was strong and caught him, begrudgingly wrapping his arms around Oikawa in a hug.

“We’ll both be living in Tokyo, idiot, we’re not going to be that far from each other.” Iwaizumi mumbled, pushing Oikawa off of him after he had decided the hug had lasted too long. Sadly, Mihoko was not invisible and immediately, Iwa-chan’s eyes locked with hers. Oikawa watched, devastated, as Iwa’s expression mirrored Mihoko’s. Neither of them said anything for an awkwardly long amount of time, so Oikawa jumped in.

“Iwa-chan, this is my sister, Oikawa Mihoko!” Oikawa introduced her, immediately regretting it. Iwa-chan stretched out a hand and they shook. They couldn’t seem to break eye contact.

“Mihoko? Wow, I haven’t seen you in ages. You’ve…grown.” Iwa-chan seemed to be avoiding some rather inappropriate comments. Oikawa cringed, watching as they shook for longer than was truly necessary. Mihoko still hadn’t said a word.

“Alright, you two! We should get going! Don’t want to miss out on the party!” Oikawa exclaimed, grabbing them each by an arm and dragging them toward the entrance of the school. Their reactions were both delayed as they slowly came to the realization that Oikawa was leading them.

“To-chan, the party isn’t for a couple of hours.” Mihoko protested, halfheartedly fighting against Oikawa’s grip. Iwa-chan, on the other hand, yanked away from Oikawa rather roughly. This was understandable, as Iwaizumi had never been one for physical contact. Still, Iwa-chan followed them toward the front gates.

“I bet they’re still setting up, though, we should go help.” Oikawa suggested, hoping that he could manage to get them doing two different jobs. In his mind he was silently chastising himself. Why keep them apart? It wasn’t like Iwaizumi was going to suddenly realize he was gay or bi or something and fall for Oikawa instead. 

“Help set up? Who is this and what have you done with my brother?” Mihoko teased, nudging Oikawa jokingly. He laughed sarcastically as he lead them toward the street. The walk back to the Oikawa household wasn’t nearly as long as it had been in elementary school, but it still gave Iwaizumi and Mihoko some time to talk. 

Before Oikawa knew it, he was walking behind them along the sidewalk, silently plotting ways to get them to break apart. Sadly, he hadn’t come up with any that would seem weird. He was glad when he finally saw the house with the decorations out front. That meant he might be able to break them apart. 

Approaching the front, they were met with one of their cousins from just outside of town. 

“Mihoko! Tooru! It’s good to see you!” She exclaimed, wrapping her arms around both Oikawa and Mihoko before pulling away. “Congratulations, Oikawa! You finally made it.” Oikawa laughed, thanking her before turning to look at the house.

“What do you guys have left to do?” He asked, watching as a couple of people came out of the house. They waved at him with grins on their faces before heading toward a large van. 

“We’re still setting up the tables and moving the furniture out of the way. We also have to add a few more decorations and finish up some of the snacks.” She replied, gesturing to where the two people were pulling a fold out table from the back of the van. Leave it to the Oikawa’s to house a party in their own living room when they could easily afford a nearby hall for rental. 

“Iwa-chan and I can help with the tables. Mihoko, why don’t you go help with the food?” Oikawa was relieved at the easy assignment of rolls. Mihoko could easily lift a table with someone else on the other end, no doubt about it, but the kitchen was in a separate room from the living room and occupying Iwa-chan with heavy lifting was not only an excuse to admire his muscles, but also a way to keep them apart.

Oikawa had to fight back his guilt at these thoughts.

“That sounds great!” Mihoko agreed, their cousin echoing her agreement with a nod of her head.

“Perfect! Hey, before you split: where are your parents?” Their cousin asked. Oikawa shrugged and Mihoko looked around as if they might appear out of thin air.

“I thought they had come ahead of us, but they must have gotten caught up somewhere.” Mihoko responded, shrugging as well. Their cousin nodded her head and shrugged.

“Okay. Let’s finish setting up then.” She exclaimed. All three of the gang nodded their heads, excited to get to work. Oikawa and Iwaizumi removed their caps and gowns and rolled up their sleeves. Together they were able to help drag in the rest of the tables and push most of the furniture against the walls. 

The couches went into the hallway and all the way against the far wall, luckily not blocking the bathroom but, sadly, blocking Oikawa and Mihoko’s rooms. They set up the tables around the room and threw tablecloths on top. They helped carrying the glass drink dispensers out of the kitchen and set them carefully on one table along with plastic cups and drip trays. Oikawa laughed at the display, shaking his head.

“What’s so funny?” Iwaizumi asked, cracking his knuckles as he came to stand next to Oikawa. He hadn’t even started to break a sweat but his muscles rippled beneath the shirt he wore, as if it was just a bit too small. 

“Oh, nothing. It’s just that, we’re one of the richest families in Japan but we’re having a graduation party in our living room with plastic cups and fancy glass coolers.” Oikawa chuckled, directing Iwa-chan’s attention to the display. When Iwa realized what Oikawa meant, he snorted. 

“I just attributed it to the quirkiness of your family.” Iwa-chan said, nudging Oikawa playfully as he rolled his sleeves back down. Oikawa laughed, giving Iwa a playful shove. The rest of the set up was easy. All they had to do was put out the snacks and wait for the guests to arrive.

Oikawa’s parents showed up right as they were laying out the last of the snacks. They greeted their family and began to mingle with the other helpers. Guests arrived quickly after that, helping themselves to the food and congratulating all the graduates. Considering many of Oikawa’s friends were in attendance, the graduates included more than Oikawa himself. 

While standing with Iwa-chan, talking about the volleyball teams season with their teammates, Oikawa glanced at the door during a lull in the conversation. Entering the room at that moment was none other than Sato, Matsumoto, Ikeda, and Akiyama. Oikawa’s face lit up and he nudged Iwaizumi a little roughly. 

They all made eye contact and immediately crossed the room to meet each other. Hugs were exchanged, as well as congratulations. Despite having gone to another high school, their old junior high friends were still in the same grade and had graduated as well.

“It’s been so long!” Oikawa exclaimed, looking Ikeda up and down. It was funny that Oikawa had originally thought of him as competition. Ikeda had never shown an ounce of interest in Iwaizumi during their years at school, but he had also been rather adamant about a certain girl he had liked. 

“It’s been too long.” Ikeda agreed with a smile before giving Oikawa a rough punch on the shoulder. “You graduate and go to a different high school and it’s suddenly an excuse to never talk to us again? You could have at least hung out at Iwaizumi’s place and popped over from time to time, geez.” Ikeda chided, wrapping an arm around Oikawa’s head to give him a noogie.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I just got a little caught up in volleyball!” Oikawa exclaimed, trying to wrestle his way from Ikeda’s grasp. They’d stumbled across the room and almost into a wall before Ikeda loosened his grip but didn’t let go, leaning in toward Oikawa.

“You still got a crush on Iwaizumi?” Oikawa’s blood ran cold and he froze. Ikeda let go of his neck and Oikawa straightened out, looking him in the eyes. Ikeda looked dead serious, but not angry.

“I-I…Ikeda….” Oikawa tried to form words but nothing was working. He was quickly reduced to a stuttering, stammering mess. Without warning, tears began to form in his eyes and he felt himself turning thousands of shades of red all at once. Immediately, Ikeda’s expression turned soft and he rubbed Oikawa on the shoulder.

“Hey, don’t worry, I’m the only one who knows. Oh, and Sato, but that’s just because I thought he knew and it kind of slipped.” Ikeda explained as Oikawa wiped the tears from his eyes as quickly as he could. He didn’t want to draw attention to their conversation. Ikeda had purposefully dragged them to this corner of the room, he realized, as it was the emptiest away from the tables and the crowds. 

“H-How did you find out?” Oikawa asked, confused. He hadn’t told anyone, not since Mihoko when they were in elementary school. At that time, no one had taken him seriously.

“You weren’t subtle, it was a miracle I was the only one who noticed. I have to admit, though, from what I’ve seen at this party alone, you’ve gotten significantly better.” Ikeda said, nudging Oikawa playfully. Oikawa glanced over at the group of young men chatting with each other. Matsumoto was animatedly explaining something while Akiyama jumped in occasionally. Iwaizumi and Sato both listened, laughing occasionally. 

“Okay, scratch that, only slightly better.” Ikeda added on, earning a nudge from Oikawa, who laughed as he shoved him.

“And you’re okay with it?” Oikawa asked after a little bit of a pause. Ikeda nodded, his bright grin softening as he stared at the group of their friends. 

“Yeah, I mean, Sato and I have been dating for three years. I’m kind of glad you’re gay, we haven’t been able to tell anyone.” Ikeda responded, looking over at Oikawa as he said this. Dating?! Sato and Ikeda!? Oikawa was shocked at first, though not terribly surprised that Ikeda was gay, he hadn’t expected their childhood friends to be dating. Slowly, his shock wore off and he broke into a grin.

“That’s amazing! I would never have thought that you two!” Oikawa exclaimed, stopping himself and dropping his voice as he realized someone might overhear. Ikeda blushed, rubbing the back of his neck before looking over at Sato, who glanced over at the two. They seemed to exchange silent words as Sato blushed and waved before turning back to the conversation he was a part of. Sato was still as timid as ever. It was kind of sweet.

“Yeah, well, we’re in love. What can you do?” Ikeda said, his voice taking on a dreamy tone. Oikawa envied him. What Ikeda and Sato had was something Oikawa had desired for years and knew would never happen. It was both beautiful and extremely painful to see the expression on Ikeda’s face.

“Three years….That’s a long time.” Oikawa muttered, realizing that three years meant they had started dating not long after starting high school. Ikeda nodded, turning his attention back to Oikawa.

“Yep! We both got accepted to schools in America. I plan to propose the instant we get there.” Ikeda said, grinning like a lovesick idiot. Oikawa’s jaw dropped as he realized that Ikeda was living the dream. Sure, they had been closeted together for three years and would never get to celebrate with family, but Ikeda and Sato were going to get married and live happily together in a country where same-sex marriage was much more widely accepted. Tears fought to resurface as he realized how badly he wanted the same thing.

Ikeda’s expression changed as he realized Oikawa was fighting a break down in the middle of the party. Worry crossed his eyes and he put a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry. Here I am, boasting about marrying my boyfriend, while you’re stuck pining after your straight best friend.” Oikawa pressed his hands against his eyes and tried to breath. “Oh, shit, sorry, that probably didn’t help. Here, c’mon, let’s go to the bathroom.” Ikeda said, slowly guiding Oikawa along the edge of the crowd toward the bathroom. They managed to reach it without drawing any attention to themselves. 

Closing the door, Ikeda turned as Oikawa dropped to a seat along the edge of the bathtub, immediately breaking into sobs. Ikeda sat next to him and wrapped an arm around Oikawa’s shoulders. Slowly, Ikeda rocked back and forth, giving off little ‘shh’ing sounds and whispering soft encouragement. Oikawa sobbed into his hands and his friends shoulder as the weight of reality came crashing down all at once. 

Reality enjoyed crashing down on Oikawa a lot, and every single time the same thing happened. He would break into tears and lose complete mental control. He’d lost it plenty of times while Iwaizumi went out with that one girl their second year. There was nothing more hard hitting than crushing on your straight best friend and watching as he dated a girl. 

After several minutes of rocking and shhing, Oikawa was finally able to breath and sit up, wiping his eyes a few more times as Ikeda looked at him with concern.

“I’m sorry I brought up Sato and I. I was extremely insensitive.” Ikeda apologized, earning a small smile from Oikawa, who shook his head.

“You’re fine, really. I’m really happy for you. Send me an invitation. I don’t know if I’ll be able to come, but I’d like to see you happy.” Oikawa said, giving Ikeda a shaky smile.

“And make you feel worse? No, I don’t want to do that to you.” Ikeda said, shaking his head at Oikawa’s request. Oikawa laughed, but it came out more as a hiccup.

“I’m doing this to myself, Ikeda. The sad part is…I can’t seem to stop.” Oikawa muttered looking down at his hands in his lap. Ikeda rested a hand on Oikawa’s forcing him to look up.

“What can I do to help?” Ikeda asked, his tone and expression very serious. Oikawa smiled, glad that Ikeda was still his friend.

“Be happy for me?” Oikawa didn’t mean for it to sound like a question, but it did. Ikeda nodded, taking the challenge up.

“Of course.” He responded. The conversation ended there, but they continued to talk as Oikawa splashed cold water on his face to reduce the puffiness in his eyes. They were in the bathroom for another several minutes before Oikawa finally asked if he looked passable. Ikeda gave him serious review and said he was.

Together, they exited the bathroom and were immediately ambushed by Sato. 

“What’s going on?” He asked, grabbing Ikeda’s face and turning it as if he might find signs of a fight. Ikeda laughed and grabbed his hands, pushing them away from his face.

“I may have overwhelmed Oikawa with the story of our love.” Ikeda responded. Sato’s face immediately lit up with red and he looked up at Oikawa, who smiled softly. 

“Y-you did?” Sato’s voice had gotten smaller and the red seemed to be fighting to drain from his face as well as remain there.

“It’s okay, Jun. You remember when I told you I suspected Oikawa had a crush on Iwaizumi in junior high?” Ikeda asked, Directing Sato’s attention back to him. Sato nodded and thought for a second and realization crossed his face.

“Oh! Oh, you really did?” He turned back to Oikawa, who nodded. “I’m so sorry. He’s a little thicker than most.” He added on, making Oikawa snort.

“A little?” Oikawa had seen firsthand just how thick Iwaizumi was. It was both painful and endearing. They all laughed at this before turning back to the party together, ready to jump into the throng.

Oikawa scanned the crowd for their friends and found Matsumoto and Akiyama in one corner, flirting with a few of Oikawa’s admirers. Iwaizimui was standing with both Oikawa’s parents and Mihoko. As he watched, his parents turned away to find someone else to chat with, leaving Iwa-chan with Mihoko. 

Oikawa audibly whimpered.

“Did you just whine?” Ikeda asked incredulously. Sato nudged him adamantly, turning Ikeda’s attention toward Iwa-chan and Mihoko. Ikeda sighed, his expression both exasperated and angry. “Who’s the girl?” He asked, seemingly trying to figure out a plan to fight her.

“My sister.” Oikawa muttered, watching as she nervously brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and Iwaizumi actually blushed. 

“Oh…oh, Oikawa. I’m so sorry.” Ikeda had apologized so many times in the last thirty minutes, Oikawa was having trouble deciding if it was getting amusing or annoying.

“No, no. It’s fine. I saw this coming.” Oikawa responded, letting out a sigh. Sure, he’d only seen it coming when the two has first made eye contact earlier that day, but still.

“Should we go outside?” Sato asked, trying to stay close to Ikeda without physically grabbing onto him. Oikawa shook his head.

“No, it’s okay. I’m fine.” He wasn’t really, but he still managed to convince his friends he was. The rest of the night he socialized with family and friends, giving his fan club a little bit more attention to draw himself away from the thought of Iwaizumi flirting with his sister. They’d be moving to Tokyo in the next three months, he could handle three more months of them.

At the end of the night, before everyone left, Oikawa’s father got everyone’s attention. 

“I’d just like to congratulate all the graduates here tonight, especially my son. Your mother and I are proud of you.” He said, though Oikawa felt like the words were a bit rehearsed. “We’ve got a special graduation gift for you.” Oikawa stepped forward and met his father in the middle of the room, where the man handed him an envelope. “Great job making it this far. We can’t wait to see where you go in the future.” The two embraced, a generic hug. When he gave his mom a hug, it was a bit more warm. Grinning at them both, Oikawa pulled away and opened the envelope, slipping out a folded piece of paper.

Unfolding it he read it over, eyes widening and jaw dropping. The crowd waited in anticipation as Oikawa looked up at his parents and then back at the paper and then back up at his parents. When he finally got over his shock, he grinned and looked at the crowd, locking eyes with Iwa-chan.

“They bought me an apartment in Tokyo.” The entire room gave their own collective gasps and cheers, clapping politely. As everyone gave their last congratulations to the graduates and trickled out of the room, Oikawa made his way over to Iwaizumi.

“An apartment, that’s awesome!” Iwaizumi exclaimed as Oikawa finally reached him. “I still have to look for one.” He sounded a little jealous. This made Oikawa laugh. Iwa looked up, confused, and Oikawa handed him the sheet that gave the details of the apartment.

“There’s a spare bedroom. Why don’t you move in with me?” Oikawa offered. They would both be going to school in Tokyo and Oikawa would be practicing with the Tokyo team there as well. It would be perfect if they moved in together, though Oikawa knew it would kill him to be living with Iwaizumi. It just made sense.

“Seriously?” Iwaizumi looked down at the page and skimmed some of the details.

“Yes, seriously, now c’mon, I think they need us to help clean up.” Folding up the paper and slipping it back into its envelope, Oikawa directed Iwaizumi to where people were beginning to take down the tables. They finished cleaning up late into the night, but Iwaizumi still walked home. 

The next three months were filled with nothing more than the usual Oikawa and Iwaizumi hang outs. They spent a bit more time with their friends from junior high before they all went their separate ways. Oikawa enjoyed getting to talk to Sato and Ikeda about their plans for their future. Sato had no clue Ikeda was going to propose when they got to America, but he never stopped talking about how much he loved Ikeda and was thrilled to live somewhere they could get married if they wanted to. 

Mihoko liked to tag along whenever they hung out, so long as she didn’t have summer homework to finish, just to talk more with Iwa-chan. It hurt Oikawa to watch them get along so well, but three months seemed to fly with little progress in their relationship.

When it finally came time for them to move to Tokyo, Mihoko was sad to see them go. There were plenty of heartfelt goodbyes as everyone went their separate ways. When they finally arrived in Tokyo, Oikawa felt overwhelmed. He was glad to have Iwa-chan there with him, to keep him grounded. 

The first several months after they moved in were chaotic. The two worked and went to school so they hardly saw each other. They were busy settling in and Oikawa was glad when he finally got the hang of things and could see Iwa-chan more often.

Over the summer they didn’t visit home, though they easily could have. They spent their summer exploring Tokyo and getting to know it better. When school started back up again, they had an easier time handling it. Oikawa would practice with the Tokyo team and go to games, but after a year, the novelty of it had worn off. After a year, he was joined on the team by none other than Kageyama Tobio. The boy genius had been recruited as a backup setter. The team had plenty of those, to switch around and work with as they pleased. 

It was interesting working with Kageyama as a team member after so many years, but the weirdo hadn’t come alone. Hinata Shouyou, the little shrimpy, had been recruited with him. There had been much talk about the two recruits not only coming from the same school, but from a school that had been so horrible only years previous. 

After their second year living together, Oikawa had grown used to having Iwaizumi mostly to himself. Occasionally Iwa-chan would go on a date or bring a girl home, but every time Oikawa asked if Iwa really liked the girl, he would say something about her not being the one. It was a comforting cycle for the pining young man. 

Sato and Ikeda had gotten married, as they had said they would, and came out to all their friends and family a year after. There had been plenty of backlash from their families, but nothing could harm them when they lived to far away. Akiyama, Matsumoto, and Iwaizumi had taken a while to wrap their brains around the fact that two people so close to them were gay and they hadn’t even noticed, but after a few months they seemed to realize it wasn’t important that they were gay, just that they were happy. Oikawa only wished he could tell his friends, but he knew there was too much risk seeing as he was heir to the Oikawa company. 

After three years, life had finally settled into relatively quiet happiness.

It was too bad reality had to come caving in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Time: Drunken party shenanigans


	6. Fundamental Truth #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After three years living together, Oikawa and Iwaizumi are finally visiting home. But not before they get really drunk and do some things they would never do sober.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is nsfw. Almost the entire thing. Stop reading at '"W-wait! Iwa-chan, wait!'" and continue at 'The first thing Oikawa thought...'. It's got a lot of heavy hinting and indirect reference to the things Oikawa and Iwa-chan did throughout the entire chapter, so if you skip the chapter, there's a detailed summary in the end notes. This is the longest chapter I have ever written for anything! Enjoy!

“Are you ready yet? The party started half an hour ago!” Iwaizumi called, standing in the doorway to their apartment as he waited for Oikawa to come out. Sure, the party started a while ago, but Oikawa always showed up fashionably late. Still, he couldn’t fight his desire to please Iwa-chan just a little bit, so he found a good jacket and slipped it on before running out to join his roommate and best friend.

“Calm down, Iwa-chan, we’ll make it in time.” Oikawa cooed, shooting Iwa-chan his best flirty look only to get an eye roll from it. Despite having roomed together for three years, Iwa-chan still got annoyed when Oikawa got flirtatious with him. Like he just needed to show his discomfort or his heterosexuality would be forfeit.

“Right, well, I like to be on time.” Iwa commented, closing the door as Oikawa joined him outside. He locked it quickly making sure it really had locked before the two of them headed down the stairs and toward the sidewalk.

The party was an end of the school year celebration as summer finally kicked off. It was Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s last big hurrah before they visited home for the summer for the first time since they’d moved out. Oikawa was a bit disappointed that they’d be going back, he knew Iwa still thought about Mihoko and what she was up to. But, as Mihoko was graduating, the two boys were expected home to celebrate with the family. 

However, they still had one last big party to attend before they left. It was a joint birthday party and graduation party for one of Iwa-chan’s friends. He had managed to book an entire club for the night. 

The place was only a short walk down the street from their apartment, so Oikawa had figured they didn’t have to leave early to get there, but it had taken him longer to decide on something to wear than he had anticipated. Still, they had finally left the apartment and were headed to the party.

At the door they were greeted by Iwaizumi’s friend, who shook Oikawa’s hand and told both of them that their first five drinks were free. Oikawa had never been a big fan of alcohol, though he did enjoy a good buzz. He also had one more practice with the team before they would let him leave for home, so he needed to remain at least mostly sober for the next day. 

Iwaizumi, on the other hand, took this to mean he could get the biggest and meanest drink the bar offered. Oikawa watched, awestruck, as Iwaizumi ordered his drink and downed it in three large gulps. This earned him cheers from the people around him and only further encouraged him to drink more. 

Shaking his head at this nonsense, Oikawa meandered away to meet people. He was instantly met with a gaggle of young woman who recognized him as Japan’s national volleyball team setter. They conducted a sort of interview as he sipped his drink, carefully keeping track of his buzz.

The night wore on this way for the next couple of hours. Oikawa lost sight of Iwaizumi and mingled with the college girls who had attended the party. He politely declined a couple of offers to bring girls home and suggested that they go home before they became too drunk and made bad choices. Sadly, this suggestion earned him a few too many angry slaps and, before long, he had found his way to the lounge and the couches the silent area offered. 

Sipping his second drink – he had only just finished his first – he watched the crowd realizing, with much disappointment, that he hated parties like this. People got drunk and fell all over each other only to wake up in the morning with a hazy recollection of the past nights events and a complete stranger in their bed. 

Staring around the room, Oikawa caught sight of Iwa-chan headed down this exact road. He was surrounded by a group of women that looked vaguely familiar. They all laughed at the things he said and ogled as he flexed his muscles for them. Oikawa huffed out an annoyed sigh, turning away as he tried to decide if he was jealous of the girls or mad that Iwa-chan was such a stereotypical man.

He took another small sip of his drink, pleased to notice he was finally lightly buzzed. He had almost resigned himself to being alone the rest of the night when a heavy body fell onto the couch beside him, making him jump.

“You look so stupid, sitting by yourself, Oi’awa.” Iwaizumi drawled, positively hammered. Oikawa cringed at the thick scent of alcohol on Iwa-chan’s breath but didn’t back away. He had never seen his friend this drunk before and was concerned for his health.

“I don’t really know anyone, so I got bored.” Oikawa responded, leaning away slightly as Iwa-chan oozed toward him. He couldn’t even sit straight. Oikawa was surprised he had been able to make it over to the couch without falling over.

“That ha’n’t ‘topped you b’fore.” Iwa-chan commented, throwing a look toward the girls he had been flirting with only moments before. They all shot a look toward the two men and giggled, waving their fingers at them and whispering amongst each other. 

“I get tired of self involved women who only want to get laid.” Oikawa muttered, taking another sip of his drink and wondering when he had become the dull, boring friend. Iwa-chan snorted and attempted to straighten himself, only managing to fling his body slightly away from Oikawa.

“Who doesn’ wan’ ta get laid? I’m still tryin’ ta decide whish one ta take back to th’partment.” Iwa-chan slurred, staring rather intently at all the women. Oikawa looked him over, disgusted by Iwaizumi’s behavior. Was this what hammered Iwa-chan was like? Oikawa resolved to never let Iwa-chan get this drunk ever again.

“Seriously? You are such a pig headed brute, Iwaizumi Hajime.” Oikawa hissed, standing to leave Iwaizumi with his own musings. He didn’t make it far as Iwa-chan’s hand latched onto Oikawa and jerked him back down toward the couch. Oikawa yelped, sloshing a bit of his drink onto his lap. Iwa-chan didn’t let go.

“I’ma man, Oi’awa Tooooru.” Iwa-chan breathed, a little too close for comfort. Oikawa pulled at Iwaizumi’s grip, but he was holding on too tightly. 

“That…is…no excuse.” Oikawa grunted, each tug of his hand accenting the words he said. Iwa-chan gave Oikawa a funny look, leaning in just a bit closer as if this would help see his eyes better.

“You know wha’ I jus’ realized?” Iwa murmured, squinting. Oikawa didn’t have time to respond before Iwa-chan continued. “You never tol’ me ‘bout your firs’ time.” Oikawa felt his face flush as he continued to try and pull at Iwa-chan’s grip. 

“Yeah, well, I don’t tell you everything.” Oikawa muttered, hyperfixating on getting away from Iwa-chan. What a weird concept. He’d spent his entire life trying to get closer to Iwaizumi and yet, here he was, trying to get away. Part of him hated Iwa-chan in that moment and part of him was desperate to get away before he got turned on by Iwa-chan’s proximity. 

“But we’re frien’s. I tol’ you ‘bout my firs’ time.” Iwa-chan pointed out, leaning back just a bit as he said this. Oikawa shrugged as he stopped attempting to break away and started trying to at least loosen Iwa-chan’s grip. He was starting to cut off circulation.

“Maybe you were comfortable with that, but I didn’t think it was necessary.” Oikawa half lied, realizing that this was not going to end until he told Iwa-chan who his first time had been with. Unfortunately, there had been no first time to talk of. He was going to have to make something up. But who could he believably have had sex with?

“C’mon, Oi’awa. Who was it? Who was the firs’ girl you ever banged?” Oikawa resented his crude language, but sighed, hoping that giving in to Iwa-chan’s stupid questioning might get him free of his friend.

“Fine, just so you’ll let go of me.” He grumbled, letting out an angry huff. “It was…it was….” Oikawa realized too late that he had hesitated too long. He scrambled to come up with a name that Iwa-chan might recognize, but the names of every girl who had ever liked him became a blur after so many years. Iwa-chan’s eyes widened.

“No way.” He whispered, expression going from shock to amused to shit-eating grin in ten seconds flat. “No. Way! You’re a virgin?! Oi’awa Tooru, ladies man extraordinaire, is a virgin!?” Iwa-chan’s voice quickly rose in volume, drawing the attention of a couple of the clubs patrons. Oikawa felt tears bubble to the surface as his frustration skyrocketed. Iwa-chan was going too far.

“Shut up! Keep your voice down.” Oikawa hissed, resuming his desperate attempts to free himself from Iwa-chan’s grip. Sadly, despite his focus being so heavily on the conversation, Iwa-chan’s fingers didn’t loosen even a little bit. 

“You’ve had girls flocking to you since junior high and you haven’t laid a single one?!” Iwa-chan exclaimed, drawing a few more curious faces. Oikawa whimpered. Iwa-chan was scaring him and he wanted to get away. Wanted to disappear.

“Let go you dick! I stand by what I said earlier, Iwa-chan. You’re a pig head brute! I don’t know why I ever liked you!” Oikawa growled, trying to ignore the attention their conversation was drawing. Too slowly, he realized what exactly he had said and that Iwa-chan had frozen, his expression shocked.

“What did you say?” His voice had suddenly gone silent and Oikawa panicked further, disappointed that this new emotion hadn’t slackened his grip.

“You’re a brute, Iwa-chan. You’re a pig headed, egotistical, knuckle dragging brute who thinks with his dick.” Oikawa’s voice failed to hide the panic he was feeling as it cracked a couple of times. Iwa-chan narrowed his eyes. 

“No, th’other thing. About liking me.” Iwa-chan insisted, leaning in a bit. Oikawa blinked back more tears as fear enveloped his body. He knew Iwa-chan was okay with Sato and Ikeda being gay, he had been pretty confused about it, but eventually got over it. If Oikawa came out as gay to his friends, he knew they wouldn’t hate him or disown him. But he had never imagined coming out in the middle of a club with Iwaizumi less than an inch away, his iron grip bruising his wrist. 

“I…I….” Oikawa stammered, watching as the people around them seemed to draw closer. Panic filled his chest and he began to pant rapidly, eyes darting around the room as tears pricked at his eyes. There was no way he could blink them back any longer and he was afraid of breaking down in the middle of a crowded place with Iwa-chan right in front of him. He had never lost his cool in front of Iwaizumi. 

Suddenly, Iwa-chan rose to his feet, jerking Oikawa forward. Stumbling as he attempted to right himself, Oikawa was dragged through the bar and toward a side door where Iwa-chan threw it open and dragged Oikawa into the refreshing night air. The door didn’t shut completely, as Iwa-chan kicked a block of wood into it, but the sound of the party died to a dull thud through the walls. 

Without warning, Iwa-chan threw Oikawa against the wall and kissed him. It was sloppy and ended quickly, as their teeth clicked together and both men drew back in pain. 

“What the hell was that for?” Oikawa grumbled, tears trickling down his cheeks as he gingerly touched his teeth to make sure they were okay. Iwa-chan shook his head and let out a weird huff that sounded like a mix between laughter and a sigh. 

“You’re…you’re gay?” He asked, looking up and locking eyes with Oikawa. Oikawa nodded, slowly, afraid of Iwa-chan at the moment. “And you like me?” He asked. Oikawa groaned and threw his head back against the wall.

“I’ve liked you since the day we first met.” He admitted, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders. Hesitantly, he looked back at Iwa-chan, who was staring into space as if deep in thought. Again, without warning, Iwa-chan kissed Oikawa. This time their teeth didn’t hit but the kiss was still sloppy and wet, tasting of the alcohol on Iwa-chan’s breath.

At first, Oikawa was shocked. Iwa-chan had never shown any indication of being into guys. Maybe, just maybe, his wildest dreams had come true and Iwa-chan was bi. Maybe they could be together….

“W-wait! Iwa-chan, wait!” Oikawa exclaimed when they broke for a split second for air. He pushed against Iwaizumi’s chest unable to move him very far away. Iwa-chan looked like a hungry animal and Oikawa hated just how much that turned him on. “You’re-you’re straight and I’m a guy. You’re also really, really drunk and shouldn’t be making a huge decision like this right now.” Oikawa muttered, angry that his rational side was actually taking control for once. This would be better for the both of them.

“What if…what if I want to experiment?” Iwa-chan muttered, looking desperately at Oikawa as if wounded that his friend would say no to having sex. 

“Then you go on dates, kiss a couple of times. Don’t have drunk sex with your best friend. We could…we could ruin our relationship forever.” Oikawa admitted, feeling fear of losing Iwa-chan well up inside his chest. Iwa shook his head, leaning in to kiss Oikawa again, the same angry passion as before.

“What if I want to get laid? What if I want to break a virgin?” Iwa-chan’s voice made Oikawa shudder. “What if I want to break you?” That had done it. Right there. Oikawa melted as Iwa-chan began kissing him again, this time letting him push as hard as he wanted. As they made out, Iwa-chan began to rock his body, rolling his hips against Oikawa’s leg. Moaning against Iwa-chan’s lips, Oikawa realized his best friend already had a pretty hard boner. 

They continued like this for less than a minute but what felt like hours before Iwa-chan pressed tongue against Oikawa’s lips and Oikawa let him in. It was hot and it was wet but it was amazing and it left his body in complete ruins. Suddenly, Iwa-chan bit Oikawa’s lower lip. This snapped Oikawa back to reality and he pushed against Iwa-chan’s chest. Sure, being bitten that hard had definitely done something for the hard on he was developing, but it sent a shock to his brain.

“No…No.” Oikawa panted, shuddering as he fought his own body for control. Iwa-chan growled at him and Oikawa had to shake his head to remain sane. “We’re going to regret this in the morning, Iwa-chan. You because you’re going to remember just how straight you are and freak out. Me because I’m never going to be able to stop thinking about this night. The media’s going to find out. They’re going to spread this story like wild fire and then there’ll be hell to pay. Let’s stop this. Now. Before it gets out of hand.” Oikawa whined, holding his hand against Iwa-chan’s chest to keep him back. 

After a small stare down, Iwa-chan finally relented, releasing his iron grip on Oikawa’s hand and taking a step back. Rubbing his wrist to get rid of the pain, Oikawa got off the wall and stumbled, his legs weak.

“C’mon, we should go home.” Oikawa muttered, realizing that he had stopped a huge train wreck but aware that there was still going to be trouble in the morning. Iwa-chan nodded reluctantly and they meandered down the alley they were in. For a little while, everything was completely silent except their footsteps echoing against the walls. 

“Oikawa…” Iwa muttered, half a step behind Oikawa. Oikawa hummed a small acknowledgment. “I’m really hard.” Iwa-chan said. Oikawa fought the urge to look, knowing full well he might lose control if he did.

“You’re just going to have to jerk off when we get back.” Oikawa responded, closing his eyes tightly as he tried to not imagine Iwaizumi doing this. Iwa-chan whimpered.

“But I really want to get laid.” He whined. Oikawa shook his head, trying to fight the urge to turn around and kiss Iwa-chan right then. 

“Then go back inside and grab one of those stupid girls.” Oikawa shot back, really worried he might lose his cool again. Iwa-chan whimpered again and this time, Oikawa whirled on him. He was about to tell Iwa-chan to shut up but his voice caught in his throat.

He shouldn’t have turned around.

The streetlight ahead of them cast a shadow against the corner of the building, hiding Iwa-chan from sight. Oikawa stood in a spotlight of white as he scanned his friend up and down. His hair was a mess, sticking in a billion different directions. His shirt had some disgusting looking stains and his jacket hung off one shoulder. His pants were tented tightly around his dick where a raging hard on fought to get through. Oikawa’s eyes lingered just a little too long on Iwa-chan’s crotch and, before he could fight himself for control, he slammed Iwa-chan against the wall. 

They kissed so fiercely anyone else might think they were angry at each other. Oikawa let Iwa-chan’s tongue into his mouth and moaned when his best friend bit him as hard as before. He knew there would be bruises, but it didn’t matter when it was his lip. Those could be explained away. 

Iwa-chan’s mouth meandered away from Oikawa’s and toward his cheek where he bit small marks into the skin before resting on Oikawa’s neck just below his ear, sucking and nipping.

“I-Iwa-chan! I have practice tomorrow!” Oikawa moaned, leaning against Iwaizumi, his legs too weak to stand. Iwa-chan growled and Oikawa felt his own hard on get harder. He knew he had a dominance kink but this was ridiculous. Slowly fighting for control, Oikawa finally pushed Iwa-chan off his neck and looked him in the eyes.

“We can do this,” he panted, “but we need to go back to the apartment.” Iwa-chan closed his eyes and whined, but he nodded his head. Oikawa got off of him and gave him room to get off the wall. Looking down, Oikawa couldn’t help but notice just how hard Iwa-chan really was.

“Um, you should probably put your jacket over that in case we pass people on the street.” Oikawa muttered, excited that he was going to get to see Iwa-chan’s real dick, not just the one he imagined whenever he masturbated.

“Then you should probably do the same.” Iwa-chan pointed out as he removed his jacket and wrapped it backward around his waist. Oikawa looked down and noticed that his pants tented around his dick as well. There was only one, small problem:

“I left my jacket in the club.” Oikawa muttered, looking sheepishly up at Iwa-chan. His friend rolled his eyes and grabbed Oikawa’s arm, directing him back toward the club.

“I’ll go in and get it. But if we’re doing this, we should at least say goodbye to everyone.” Iwa-chan said as they headed back down the alley. Oikawa nodded, disappointed that he was going to have to wait longer to be broken.

“Right, fine. We can go out the front door.” Oikawa muttered, stopping when they reached the door to the club. Iwa-chan disappeared inside for a few minutes before emerging with Oikawa’s jacket in his hands. Oikawa tied it around his waist in the same manner Iwa-chan had and they both dove back inside.

Oikawa politely said goodbye as Iwa-chan did and they left through the front door. They fought the urge to grab hands or stop occasionally to make out, aware that anyone could take a picture and leak it. They finally made it back to the apartment with much stumbling and twitching. They fumbled for the keys to open the door and, the instant they were inside, Iwa-chan pinned Oikawa. 

Pressed against the closed door, Iwa-chan resumed where he had left off: eating Oikawa’s neck.

“Iwa-chan, wait. We should close the blinds.” Oikawa muttered, reaching feebly toward the window beside him where the blinds had been opened to let in sunlight earlier in the day. Iwa-chan growled but allowed Oikawa to pull them closed before resuming once more.

This time, Oikawa didn’t fight him. He continued to complain about having practice, but lacked the strength to actually stop Iwaizumi from leaving marks all over his skin. Pushing against his roommate, Oikawa directed Iwa-chan toward his bedroom. Iwaizumi took this opportunity to remove Oikawa’s shirt and unbutton his pants. Oikawa nearly tripped walking out of them, but was finally glad to have a little relief for his erection. It was still restricted within his boxers, but at least the material was stretchy.

Oikawa missed the door to his bedroom and, instead, slammed Iwa-chan against the wall. Neither seemed to mind as Oikawa pulled Iwa-chan’s shirt over his head and unbuttoned his pants as well. The jeans dropped to the floor and pooled at his ankles as Oikawa tried to direct Iwa-chan toward the bedroom. 

They finally made it inside, still pressing furiously against each other, Iwa-chan alternating between kissing Oikawa numb or leaving marks along his neck and collarbone. When they entered the room, Iwa-chan flipped Oikawa around so he was doing the directing and threw him against the bed. Finally away from each other, Oikawa was able to take in Iwa-chan’s full figure.

His rippling muscles and broad chest were just as beautiful as they had always been throughout high school. The only thing about what Oikawa was seeing that was different from their years in the volleyball club room was the massive bulge in Iwa-chan’s boxers. Just seeing it made Oikawa’s dick twitch. 

Iwa-chan began to climb onto the bed but was stopped by Oikawa’s foot.

“Blinds.” Was all Oikawa said as he pointed toward the window, where the blinds were wide open. Iwa-chan rolled his eyes, but obliged by crossing the room and closing the blinds. The room was dark and it was dark outside, but Oikawa didn’t want to risk it. Finally, they were hidden and alone. 

Iwa-chan climbed onto the bed and leaned over Oikawa, kissing him on the lips and then meandering down his neck and toward his chest. Oikawa let him explore, shuddering when Iwa-chan chose a spot and lingered, leaving red and purple marks. Occasionally he would nip at Oikawa’s skin instead of sucking, but this just turned Oikawa on even more. 

Slowly, Iwa-chan lifted his hands to Oikawa’s chest, grabbing him on either side and sliding up and down his skin. It was soft and kind of ticklish, but Oikawa shuddered at the pleasure it provided. His entire body flinched with pleasure when Iwa-chan’s thumbs pressed against his nipples and he moaned. Iwa-chan continued to make marks against Oikawa’s skin all the way down his chest. When he reached Oikawa’s nipples, he released one of them and began to tongue it roughly. 

“Ahh! Iwa-chan!” Oikawa moaned, body shivering at the feeling. He continued to moan and pant as Iwa-chan left a dark bruise right around Oikawa’s nipple, finally releasing with a pop after what felt like several minutes. As Iwa-chan’s mouth explored further down, his fingers slipped under the elastic in Oikawa’s boxers and he slowly began to pull them off, revealing Oikawa’s very hard length.

Iwa-chan froze for a second and stared, making Oikawa’s blush deepen. He was aware that this was new for Iwa-chan, but it was still embarrassing that he was staring. Luckily, this didn’t last long as Iwa-chan hesitantly resumed his love biting along Oikawa’s pelvis. Slowly, he made his way closer to Oikawa’s dick, biting deep red marks around the base and up Oikawa’s thigh.

“Ahh! Iwa-chan!” Oikawa moaned, body arching up as Iwa-chan’s mouth moved back down toward the tender skin around his dick. Iwa-chan growled and removed his lips, looking up at Oikawa until they locked eyes.

“Call me by my name.” Iwaizumi grumbled, voice low and guttural. Oikawa’s dick twitched and he moaned again.

“Iwaiz-AHH!” Oikawa shouted as Iwa-chan nipped roughly at the skin between his dick and his thigh. He spoke again through the skin between his teeth, but Oikawa got what he said.

“My name.”

Shuddering at his absolute lack of control over the situation, Oikawa let out a weak smile and moaned again as Iwa-chan began to leave a deep purple mark on his skin. “Hajime. Hajime. Ha-Ahh!” He exclaimed as Iwa-chan let go of his skin and kissed the top of his dick.

“I’ve never given a blow job before.” He mused quietly, licking against the precum forming on the tip of Oikawa’s length. A moan escaped Oikawa’s lips as Iwa-chan pressed another kiss to the head, this time pressing further down until it was in his mouth. Tentatively he pressed further, shivers wracking Oikawa’s body as his tight lips slid all the way to the base.

“Ahh, Hajime.” He groaned, shivering and shouting as Iwa-chan pulled back up, teeth scrapping against the head as he popped off, making Oikawa flinch.

“Ah, no teeth, please.” Oikawa whimpered. It had been a light graze, but he was pretty sure teeth were not part of a blow job. Iwa-chan seemed to take this as a challenge.

“Really? No teeth?” He retorted, pressing his lips to Oikawa’s head before nipping lightly at what was left of his foreskin. Oikawa shouted, his entire body bucking upward at the feeling. He came back down, panting, realizing that any more of this and he was going to come. 

“Didn’t you…didn’t you wanted to get laid?” Oikawa panted, silently pleading that Iwa-chan would just bang him and finish the job.

“Sure, but I can wait. This is too good.” He growled, leaning forward and pressing his puckered lips all the way down Oikawa’s dick. Groaning, Oikawa’s body arched again, this time not falling back down as Iwa-chan’s tongue did some tricky things against his length.

Without a pop, Iwa-chan removed his mouth and looked up at Oikawa, whose toes had curled and fingers had wound into the sheets. He was barely able to lock eyes with Iwa-chan before his friend opened his mouth and placed his teeth on his dick. Panic filled Oikawa’s chest as Iwa-chan’s expression challenged Oikawa to fight back. Iwa-chan wouldn’t bite his dick in half, would he? Maybe he wasn’t as drunk as he thought or was coming back to his senses? Still, a part of him wanted to wait and see what would happen. 

He did not expect what came next.

Iwa-chan gently grazed his teeth against the entire length of Oikawa’s dick, just a light touch, almost impossible to feel. But it was just enough.

“Ha! Hajime!” Oikawa yelled, body shaking as spurts of cum shot from his dick. Iwa-chan ducked out of the way, a pleased grin on his face as the sticky liquid painted Oikawa’s chest and stomach. Oikawa came down panting as Iwa-chan licked some of the stuff from Oikawa’s stomach, making him flinch from overstimulation.

“Eugh, that wasn’t what I expected.” Iwa-chan commented, making a face as he stuck out his tongue. Oikawa couldn’t laugh, though his body shivered as if it was trying to. He wanted to speak, wanted to ask what Iwa-chan was planning, but words wouldn’t form. Instead, all he could do was watch as Iwa-chan placed a hand on his stomach.

“I’ve always wanted to try a blow job. This next one, I’ve done before. A bit different since it’s not myself.” Iwa-chan mumbled, sliding his hand down to the base of Oikawa’s dick. Shuddering as the stimulation overpowered him, Oikawa could do nothing but watch as Iwa-chan tightly gripped the base of his cock and slid his hand up the length.

A moan escaped Oikawa’s lips as Iwa-chan swiveled his hand expertly around the head before sliding back down and then repeating. Panting and moaning, Oikawa shook with pleasure as Iwa-chan gave him one marvelous hand job. Imagination could not do justice to the calluses on Iwa-chan’s fingers as they scraped roughly against Oikawa’s length. 

Several minutes passed as Iwa-chan slid and rubbed his hand up and down Oikawa’s dick. Oikawa moaned and groaned, body rocking up and down to help Iwa-chan out. He whimpered pitifully when Iwa-chan let go and stood up.

“You wouldn’t happen to have any lube, would you?” Iwa-chan asked, stumbling to catch his balance as he tried to stand straight. Oikawa nodded vigorously and pointed toward his nightstand. Iwa smiled and pulled open the top drawer, which was filled with papers and envelopes along with a couple of notebooks. He didn’t have the energy to tell Iwa-chan which drawer it was in, but Iwa-chan tsked and opened the very bottom drawer. 

“Silly me, why would the lube and condoms be in the top drawer?” Apparently Iwa-chan was a very chatty drunk. Iwa dropped back onto the bed on his knees, popping open the bottle before pausing for a moment and setting it on the bed. Standing back up, he clumsily removed his own boxers and Oikawa’s dick twitched at the sight of Iwa-chan’s cock. It was just as big as he had imagined it. 

“Mm, that’s better.” Iwa-chan muttered, kneeling back on the bed and dribbling lube across his fingers. Gently he pressed his fingers around Oikawa’s entrance, making him shudder, and rubbed the lube around the closed hole. 

“Ha…Hajime.” Oikawa moaned, finally pleased to have his voice back. Iwa-chan pressed gently at his entrance, sliding a finger inside of him slowly. Oikawa groaned and shuddered as Iwa-chan pressed it in further. He had been rough up to this point, but Oikawa was pleased that even drunk Iwaizumi knew when to be gentle. 

“Hah….Further.” He muttered, willing Iwa-chan to press his finger all the way in and glad when he did. For several minutes he simply pulled his finger in and out, twisting and pressing it against the walls of Oikawa’s entrance. For what seemed like forever, he did this. Finally, he slid a second finger in, earning a low moan from Oikawa as he pressed both fingers in all the way and then scissored them.

“Hajime!” Oikawa exclaimed, body rocking upward as if this would make him feel better. Iwa-chan took this as an invitation to continue his hand job, grabbing Oikawa’s dick with his free hand and pumping while simultaneously fingering him. After several more minutes, Iwa-chan pressed a third finger into Oikawa’s entrance.

“Ahh! Ah…hah….” Oikawa moaned, body shuddering as Iwa-chan fingered him all the way to the third knuckle before pulling back out. Twisting his fingers inside Oikawa’s entrance, he pressed them against the walls, curling them expertly.

“AH! Nngh, ahhh!” Oikawa shouted, cock dribbling a little as Iwa-chan hit his prostate, wracking his body with more pleasure. Iwa-chan grinned, pleased with himself, as he slowly removed his fingers from Oikawa’s hole and unwrapped his hand from his cock.

“Ha…Hajime?” Oikawa questioned, looking down at Iwa-chan as he slid off the bed and kneeled near Oikawa’s ass. 

“Last ‘job’ before we get to the main event.” Iwa-chan promised, pressing his face against Oikawa’s ass and licking around the now well prepared entrance. Oikawa groaned, afraid he might be all spent before this ‘main event’. For several minutes, Iwa-chan swirled his tongue around Oikawa’s entrance, pressing it inside and exploring. Oikawa moaned in pure pleasure, disappointed when Iwa-chan stopped to prompt him to turn over.

Doing as was instructed him, Oikawa laid on his stomach and pointed his ass in the air. Doggy style had never struck him as Iwa-chan’s style, but Oikawa was enjoying the freedom it gave Iwa-chan. 

Finally, Iwa pulled away and stuck three fingers inside Oikawa all at once, making him shout. Curling these fingers Iwa-chan found Oikawa’s prostate and massaged it for several seconds as pleasure wracked Oikawa’s body, making him shake and shudder before he came a second time, all over his sheets. 

Iwa-chan let Oikawa drop his hips and left him panting for a few seconds, only vaguely aware of the sound of something tearing and Iwa-chan groaning. 

Before he was entirely prepared, Iwa-chan pressed his dick against Oikawa’s entrance and pushed. It was a bit thicker than Oikawa had expected, making him groan in pain. The further Iwa-chan pushed in, the better it felt and Oikawa slowly gave his body over to Iwa-chan.

The ‘main event’ went faster than Oikawa had expected. A couple of times Iwa-chan repositioned him, but Oikawa was a little out of it due to overstimulation and he barely recalled much of it except how he completely fell apart when Iwa-chan’s cock found his prostate. Even after Oikawa and Iwa-chan had both come once, Iwa-chan kept going until they’d come a second time. By this point, Oikawa was not only overwhelmed but he was also exhausted. Iwa-chan had had his way with him, though, as he disappeared from the room and Oikawa was vaguely aware of the blankets being pulled over him and the sound of water running from the bathroom across the hall.

\----

The first thing Oikawa thought when he woke up was: ouch.

What had happened the previous night came rushing back to him all at once as he realized the pain in his hips was from being pounded into the mattress by his childhood crush. Sure, he’d fingered himself enough times that he had grown used to it, but Oikawa definitely felt sore from actually getting dick.

Groggily, he pulled himself into a seated position and looked down at himself. He was absolutely covered in red and purple marks. They peppered his skin from the top of his chest – the highest he could see on himself – all the way to the edge of the blankets. He was sure there were more, too, if his memory was correct. 

All over his chest and stomach and even on his face, Oikawa had a sticky substance that he knew wasn’t alcohol. Had he really fallen asleep without cleaning up? Shifting his legs a bit told him that, yes, they hadn’t cleaned up. The sheets where his ass rested were sticky and a little damp, he even felt the sticky length of a condom stuck to his leg. 

Oikawa rested his face tiredly in his hands, aware that he was going to have to talk to Iwa-chan eventually but afraid of when it would happen. He had a dully thrumming headache but, after a while, slowly came to his senses.

He picked up his phone and messaged Ikeda. 

[12:13] ** _Omh  
OMg  
Ikeda  
Ikeda, are you up??_**

[12:14] _Yeah, it’s only 8, what’s up?_

[12:14] ** _Iwa-chahn and I had sec last night  
Sex_**

[12:15] _…_  
[12:16] _Omg, what?_

[12:16] ** _Iwa-chan and I were at a party last night and we got really drunk  
and we had sex last night_**

[12:17] _NO way  
What…happened?_

[12:17] ** _He found out I’m a virgin and was really drunk and just  
insisted on experimenting  
Ikeda, he isn’t up yet  
what do I do?_**

[12:18] _Um, just keep cool  
Are you sure it wasn’t just your imagination? _

[12:18] ** _I thought about that  
I have some pretty vivid wet dreams_**

[12:19] _tmi_

[12:19] ** _But this was not a wet dream  
It was so real  
And it felt so good_**

[12:20] _TMI_

Oikawa started to type out a response when there was a knock on the door. Immediately he froze, unsure what to do. He didn’t respond fast enough, apparently, as Iwa-chan opened the door slowly and peaked in.

“Oh, you’re awake. Good, I didn’t want you sleeping in past practice.” Iwa-chan stepped into the room carrying two glasses of water. He handed one to Oikawa who, still frozen, took it slowly.

“Are you okay?” Iwa-chan asked, finally looking at Oikawa and letting out a whistle. “Holy shit, dude. What happened to you?” Oikawa’s blood ran cold as he looked down at himself and imagined what Iwa-chan was seeing. 

“You…don’t remember last night?” Oikawa asked, trying hard to hide the hope in his voice. Part of him wanted Iwa-chan to remember and to actually have enjoyed it. Another part of him hoped he had forgotten.

“Yeah, but it must have been wild.” Iwa laughed, flopping on top of the blankets beside Oikawa. Oikawa flinched, scooting away slightly, cringing at the pain in his hips.

“Yeah, it must have been.” He muttered, taking a sip of his water, hands beginning to shake. Iwa-chan didn’t remember. Iwa-chan had completely forgotten the way he had wrecked Oikawa. He had broken the virgin, but he didn’t remember doing it. Oikawa wanted to sob and shout for joy all at the same time.

“You okay? Ew, wait, what is that?” Iwa-chan lightly pressed his fingers to a sticky section of Oikawa’s torso. Oikawa flinched away, skin still sensitive to touch.

“Um…cum.” Oikawa muttered, voice getting quiet. Iwa-chan’s eyes widened and his fingers pulled back in disgust. 

“You mean to tell me that you – not me – got nasty last night?” Iwa-chan seemed both surprised and jealous. Oikawa couldn’t help but let out a shaky laugh. Oh, they had both gotten nasty last night.

“A-apparently.” Oikawa muttered, gulping down more of his water. Iwa-chan made a face, taking a sip of his own water.

“Why do you sound so shaken up?” He asked, a small bit of concern crossing his face. Oikawa shrugged, his hands shaking as he rested his lips against the edge of his glass.

“I…I don’t remember it.” Oikawa whispered, wanting to cry at the lie. He wanted to sob that he did remember, he wanted to confess that it had been the best time he had ever had. But he had to lie. Any truth and Iwa-chan would ask who it was. Would want to know who she was.

“So? There are a few times I wish I could forget.” Iwa-chan admitted, staring across the room and shuddering as if he was recalling them right then. Oikawa bit back tears. Would Iwaizumi wish to forget their night if he knew it had happened?

Taking a shaky breath, he looked at the last bit of water at the bottom of the glass. “It…It was my first time.” Oikawa whispered to the cup, aware that Iwa-chan had frozen where he was. Oikawa was very aware of the short distance between them, the thin shirt on Iwa-chan’s freshly showered frame, the skin tight boxers leaving very little to the imagination.

“Your…first time?” Iwa-chan sounded surprised, just as he had the previous night. They were rehashing this. Only, this time, Oikawa was going to be careful to not admit to having been in love with Iwa-chan since they were kids. “But…you’ve had girls falling all over since junior high. You haven’t done it once?” Iwa-chan asked, his concern growing as he realized that Oikawa couldn’t remember his first time. Only, he could and it was vivid and it was amazing and it was wrong. 

Oikawa shook his head, a tear sliding down his cheek. He tried to fight the tears, but they didn’t want to be kept back. Awkwardly, Iwa-chan watched on, unsure what to do. A comforting arm would have made things worse, Oikawa was glad at least for the fact that Iwa-chan was not a physical touch kind of person. Instead, Iwa-chan turned away as if looking for something.

Sound filled the room rather suddenly and Oikawa realized Iwa-chan had turned on the TV. Something to distract him. Oikawa couldn’t help but smile. Iwa-chan would never put an arm around his shoulders, but putting on white noise, changing to a subject that wasn’t this one, Iwa-chan was good at that.

The TV was turned to a news channel. Absently, the two watched it, Oikawa feeling slowly better. He picked up his phone to find a few messages from Ikeda.

[12:22] _Oikawa??  
Oikawa??!!  
Tooru!!_  
[12:23] _Please respond!!_

[12:35] ** _Sorry, Ikeda  
Iwa-chan came in_**

[12:35] _AND????_

[12:35] ** _…  
He doesn’t remember  
Anything_**

[12:36] _….  
I don’t know whether to say sorry or congratulations_

[12:36] ** _Hah, its okay  
I avoided a lot of chaos  
I  
want him to remember_**  
[12:37] ** _but at the same time its good he doesn’t_**

[12:37] _I’m sorry Oikawa_

[12:39] **** _Its fine_

Oikawa’s attention was pulled from his conversation when he heard his own name on the TV. Iwa-chan raised the remote quickly, ready to the change the channel, but Oikawa stopped him. 

On screen, in grainy, low quality, was a picture.

It was hard to see, but after a while, Oikawa could make out what it was. It was him, pressing someone against a wall, and making out. The person was hidden by the shadow cast by the streetlight, but it was still very obvious what was happening. 

“Oikawa….” Iwa-chan muttered, as Oikawa pressed the TV off button. For a second he just sat there, staring at the blank screen. For several minutes, he and Iwa-chan sat like this, saying nothing. Finally, Oikawa got the energy to move.

“I should get ready for practice. Thanks for the water.” He handed Iwa-chan the glass and shifted, ready to throw the covers off when he remembered he was sticky and wet and covered in hickies and a condom. “Um.” Oikawa looked at Iwa-chan purposefully, sad to see him go but not wanting to discuss the problem right away.

“Oh. Oh, right. Um, okay.” Iwa-chan stuttered, getting up and turning to frantically leave the room. Oikawa threw the covers off and cringed at the massive purple spot between his thigh and his crotch. There were several other, cringe worthy marks on his body, but that one was the worst. Slowly he slid out of bed, flinching at the soreness in his hips. 

Eventually, he was able to get to the shower where he washed himself off and sobbed about the situation. No doubt his teammates would have seen the news. He was screwed. 

After finally cooling off he stepped out and got ready, limping slightly at the pain. It wasn’t going away any time soon, but he had to live through it.

Practice was hell, as he had expected. He got chewed out by the coach for not being ‘careful enough’ with his personal life. He represented all of Japan, he had to watch his behavior. Oikawa took it, knowing it wasn’t going to be as bad as when he got home.

His teammates joked about it, laughing at all the marks across his face, neck, and the ones they could see on his collarbone. Oikawa told them he had no idea who it was and that he had woken up to whoever it was gone. They insisted he had to remember her even just a little bit. He insisted back that he didn’t. They just wanted to congratulate whoever had finally gotten Oikawa Tooru to show up to practice looking like a spotted leopard. 

Due to the pain in his hips, his setting was horrid and he got further chewed out for being unable to show his best self during the last practice of the season. Of course, this still wasn’t the worst of it. He dreaded going home. Dreaded showing up to where his parents would chew him out as well for showing a lack of concern for the company’s image. His father would look down on him with disgust, his mother with shame. Mihoko wouldn’t talk to him for a few weeks, but would eventually give in.

To top it off, Iwa-chan was coming with. Iwa-chan who had been with Oikawa his whole life. Iwa-chan, who had joined Oikawa playing volleyball even when he really didn’t want to. Iwa-chan, who had knocked some sense into Oikawa when he had gotten really down on himself. Iwa-chan, who innocently crushed on beautiful girls, unaware of Oikawa’s feelings. Iwa-chan, who had set the bar extremely high for any future sexual experiences. Iwa-chan, his roommate and best friend. Iwa-chan, the man crushing on Oikawa’s sister.

To say the very least, Oikawa was miserable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Time: Visiting home.
> 
> Iwa-chan and Oikawa go to a summer kick off party. Iwa-chan gets way too drunk but Oikawa refuses to get more than buzzed. When Iwaizumi starts talking about girls as if they're objects, Oikawa calls him out and accidentally lets slip that he likes Iwa-chan. Iwaizumi takes this as an invitation to make out with Oikawa. Oikawa tries three times to get Iwa-chan to back off but eventually gives in and they do some naughty things. When they wake up in the morning, Oikawa's a mess and Iwa-chan doesn't remember anything from the previous night. Oikawa tells Ikeda everything as they watch the news and an image shows up on screen of Oikawa kissing someone in an alley. The image is grainy and dark, the second person impossible to see, but it's enough to get him in trouble with his coach during the last practice of the season. Of course, this is nothing compared to how his parents will react.


	7. Fundamental Truth #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa and Iwa-chan go home for Mihoko's graduation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, it's been a long time! I've been a little busy, but here you guys go! Hope you enjoy!

To say going home for the summer break was hell would be an understatement. 

Oikawa dreaded arrival the entire train ride there, leaning his head against the window and watching the scenery pass by. He had already explained to Iwa-chan that it was going to be chaos when they got back, but Iwa-chan didn’t seem to believe him.

“It can’t be that bad,” he was saying. “I mean, people slip up every once in a while. Not all celebrities can have perfect records.” Iwa-chan was trying to cheer him up, but Oikawa didn’t want cheering up. Just comfort. Maybe if he could get his mind off of it, he would be relaxed until they got there.

“You don’t know my parents, Iwa-chan. They take everything seriously.” Oikawa muttered, not even looking away from the window as he spoke. Iwa opened his mouth to respond, but Oikawa cut him off. “Now, I think I’d like to get a bit of sleep before we arrive.” With this he closed his eyes, pleased that Iwaizumi didn’t say anything. 

Naturally, Oikawa couldn’t sleep the whole way there. His coach had been bad enough, accusing him of being careless and reckless. Being yelled at by the man who controlled your career was kind of frightening, as he could decide to fire you at any moment. But Oikawa knew his father better.

He was a kind, gentle man. Even when his kids had gotten older, he had always found a way to be home in time for dinner. He rarely missed a family event and always encouraged high grades without the stress of being perfect. Oikawa had gotten into trouble plenty of times as a kid, it was only natural. But he had understood his father’s rules and expectations and never did anything that could embarrass the entire family.

Now he had.

Simply just getting caught scandalously making out in an alley was bad enough, if his father knew it had been with a man, he would be disowned. His father would stop speaking to him, his mother would look at him with horror, and Mihoko…. Mihoko might get over it eventually, but Oikawa knew she liked Iwa-chan. She’d be resigned the rest of her life, no matter how much she would say she was fine. 

So Oikawa couldn’t sleep. The train rattled along the tracks, stopping occasionally to let passengers off. Iwa-chan talked on the phone with his mom for almost an hour of the ride, letting her know he was on his way but that he would probably stay the night at the Oikawa’s due to a late arrival. He left out the fact that he would be there as support for Oikawa facing his family. From the sounds of it, she disapproved of Iwa-chan still rooming with Oikawa, but Iwa changed the subject quickly.

It wasn’t until Oikawa felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him, that he realized he had fallen asleep. 

“Oi, we’re here.” Iwa was saying. Oikawa blinked groggily in the dying light and looked up at his best friend. Silhouetted in the orange glow of the setting sun, Iwaizumi was beautiful. Not that he wasn’t beautiful any other time, but the framing was perfect. Oikawa didn’t realize he was staring until Iwa-chan’s brows screwed together and he spoke again.

“What? You still not awake? C’mon, before the doors close.” Iwaizumi grabbed his bags from the wracks above their heads and headed toward the doors, leaving Oikawa to scramble for his things and follow after. Despite the onset of darkness, the men walked to Oikawa’s house, not having called ahead to get a ride. Besides, Oikawa didn’t want to face his family until the very last moment. Walking was going to get his mind off of it for a bit longer.

Sadly, it wasn’t as long as he had hoped.

Iwa-chan and Oikawa arrived before the gate to the Oikawa household just as the sun disappeared beneath the horizon. They stopped their, dead silent as they had been the entire walk over. Oikawa took a deep breath, realizing just how much he was shaking as he did so. 

“Hey, it’s going to be fine. This won’t be that bad.” Iwa-chan reassured him, patting him on the shoulder and squeezing in attempt to comfort Oikawa. Oikawa gave Iwaizumi a shaky smile, but couldn’t help but think of the way his best friend had bitten him on the exact same spot on the shoulder only forty-eight hours before. He turned away quickly.

“I doubt it, but I guess I gotta rip the band aid off, huh?” Oikawa muttered, slipping the lock off the gate and stepping inside. He was aware of Iwaizumi shutting the gate behind them and following. Knocking on the door, Oikawa felt like he was having an out of body experience. The world went entirely numb around him as the sounds of feet shuffling came from the inside of the house. 

Oikawa hadn’t even registered that the door had opened until he was holding his face in his hands, biting back tears at the stinging pain. His father had answered the door and was not in a good mood.

“Oikawa Tooru, how dare you.” He hissed, eyes narrowed in anger, one hand clenched in a fist, the other clinging to the door. His black hair had started to grey years ago, the wrinkles from stress and joy outlining his face. Behind him stood Oikawa’s mother, and behind her Mihoko. 

“I ought to not let you into this house. You have ruined our family name. You have no idea what this is doing to the business.” Oikawa Kenta did not relent, his stern expression on the verge of complete rage. Oikawa dropped his hands from his face and stared back at his father, unsure if he was managing to pull off determination or exhaustion. He had lost sleep over how this was going to play out. Turned out it was going just about as bad as he had anticipated. 

“Come now, Kenta. Let him in. He hasn’t spoken back yet, let him explain himself over tea.” To Oikawa’s surprise, his mother came to his rescue. In the past, she would have been the first to reprimand him, though not as harshly as his father. Kenta looked down at his wife and sighed, letting go of the door and stepping aside to let the men in. Oikawa tried to fight looking back at Iwa-chan, but he just couldn’t help it. He wanted to make sure his friend was let inside as well, which he was. What Oikawa regretted about looking back was that Iwa was blushing as he locked eyes with Mihoko. They had been away for so long, Oikawa had almost forgotten that they liked each other. 

Pain stung at his heart, but he moved his bags inside and sat down on one of the couches. 

“Now, while your mother makes you tea, explain yourself.” Kenta commanded, taking a seat across from him. Iwaizumi sat beside him, on the opposite end of the couch, and Mihoko took the one empty chair between the sofas. 

“I….I went to a party and got a little buzzed. I made a horrible mistake and I’m really, really sorry.” Oikawa responded, bowing his head low as he finished. He couldn’t see his father’s expression, but he knew it wasn’t good. 

“Who was she?” Kenta asked. Oikawa choked back a sob. Playing it off as a cough, he shook his head.

“I don’t remember.” He lied, trying to refrain from looking up. His father has instilled in him moral rules and obligations since he was a child. One that had been explicitly clear was respect to all people, especially close family, friends, and significant others. He had been taught never to sleep with someone he didn’t know, though it had been stated as far more important to not sleep with someone until marriage, but that was clearly not the bigger problem.

“You don’t know?” Oikawa could tell his father was offended. The way his voice rose at the end, his volume going with it. His mother entered the room just then, setting the tea on the table. She poured a cup for everyone, but her and Mihoko were the only ones who took one. 

“I…I don’t.” Flinching as his father stood, Oikawa remained where he was, head down. There was a moment of absolute silence before his father sat back down, likely coaxed by his mother. 

“Tooru, there must be something you remember about her.” It was his mom who had spoken this time. Oikawa finally looked up, noticing that his father refused to look in his direction and Mihoko seemed oddly fascinated with what was in her cup. 

“I don’t, really. I’m really, really sorry but….I was too far gone.” Oikawa hated to admit that he had been drinking. His father had never gotten drunk, from stories he had told his kids. Oikawa Kenta never prohibited his children from drinking, but he had insisted they never drink while under age and that, when they did, they never get too drunk to remember the events of the night. 

Needless to say, Oikawa had broken a lot of his father’s moral guidelines. 

“Please, Tooru. You know how disrespectful that is to her. Even just a first syllable?” She pressed. Oikawa shook his head again, about to open his mouth to respond when his father finally looked at him and spoke.

“If you can tell me who it was, or at least remember something about her, then I might let this slide.” He explained, his attempts at keeping his voice level going surprisingly well. Oikawa felt tears well up in his eyes as he opened his mouth to respond, getting cut off again, this time by Mihoko.

“At least tell us she was pretty?” Her comment was meant to be teasing, to lighten the mood, but Oikawa felt the pressure build up and he shot to his feet. Iwa-chan joined him, hands hovering over Oikawa’s arms as if trying to help calm him but unsure how to go about it. 

“I don’t remember, okay! I was drunk, he was drunk, we made a mistake, now please let me be!” Oikawa yelled, holding his hands up at face level as he shouted. The room went dead silent. Oikawa was pretty sure it was because of his outburst, but learned rather quickly that it was for another reason.

“…He?” Iwa-chan was the first to speak, despite having been completely silent this whole time. Oikawa looked up, eyes locking with Iwaizumi’s as his best friend took a step back. His blood ran cold, tears finally escaping as he realized his friend was wary of him. Mihoko looked surprised, but not horrified. No, Mihoko was tame compared to Iwa-chan and his parents. 

Turning to look at his parents, he took a step back, almost falling onto the couch as he realized he was about to be disowned. 

His father’s eyes burned with anger Oikawa had never seen in anyone. His fists were clenched so tightly, his knuckles were turning white. His mother’s expression was horrified, having gone white from lack of oxygen. She had gasped so suddenly, but hadn’t exhaled. Oikawa Kenta rose slowly, making Oikawa flinch. 

He couldn’t stop what came, but he knew to expect it. Despite bracing himself, the slap still stung worse than the first one. The next one even worse than either before it. His father was poised to slap him again when Iwaizumi stepped in front of him and shouted at him to stop. 

Silence.

“We’ve all had long days. We’re all tired. We can talk in the morning, like civil adults. For now, we should go to bed.” Iwa-chan said, voice level, expression calm. Oikawa couldn’t see anything except Iwa-chan’s powerful shoulders, but he wasn’t shaking. He was steady and calm. Unlike Oikawa, who shook and whimpered behind his friend. Why did Iwa-chan have to go and do things like this? It just reminded him how in love he was with his best friend. 

“I-Iwaizumi-san is right, Kenta. Let’s go to bed.” Oikawa’s mother grabbed her husband’s arm and pulled. It took a lot more coaxing to get him to bed than it had taken to get him inside the house earlier. As soon as they were out of the room, Oikawa collapsed onto the couch, sobs wracking his body. 

For what felt like ages, Iwa-chan and Mihoko stood over him, having a silent conversation about what to do. Finally, Oikawa felt strong arms slip behind his back and under his legs, lifting him off the couch.

“I-Iwa-chan!” He exclaimed, body still shaking as he attempted to latch his arms around Iwaizumi’s shoulders.

“You remember who it was, don’t you?” Iwa-chan asked, face stone serious. Oikawa looked away and locked eyes with Mihoko behind them. She gave him a sheepish smile, but followed them to Oikawa’s room despite the conversation. 

“Y-yeah.” Oikawa muttered, looking away from his sister. He was ashamed, he knew Iwa-chan would have been fine with him being gay, Iwa-chan had no problems with Ikeda and Sato. But he knew that Iwa-chan would want to know who it was immediately. Despite his refusal to accept it, Iwa was a gossip. 

“You could have told me you were…you were gay.” Iwa-chan muttered, placing Oikawa gently on his bed. Oikawa sniffled, rubbing his hands over his eyes. He shook his head and looked away.

“I’m sorry. I just….What happened that night was a mistake I shouldn’t have….” Oikawa stopped and looked over at Iwa-chan who had sat down on the edge of the bed. Mihoko stood in the doorway, watching with a curious look on her face. Oikawa lingered a second too long on her, cueing Iwaizumi to look up as well.

“Mihoko, can we be alone for a bit?” Iwa-chan asked gently, his voice softer than Oikawa had ever heard it. Mihoko almost jumped, snapping back to reality and hastily nodding her head.

“Y-yeah! Of course! Um, I love you To-chan, you know that, right?” She said, waiting for a nod from Oikawa before she nodded and left. Iwa kicked the door shut from where he was sitting and looked back at Oikawa.

“Who was it? I can beat him up for you.” Oikawa couldn’t help but laugh at this, both because Iwa-chan was so serious but also because Iwa-chan couldn’t beat himself up. When he had stopped laughing, Oikawa shook his head.

“I can’t tell you.” He muttered, looking away from Iwa-chan and staring rather intently at his toes. Iwa-chan huffed, leaning backward slightly as he crossed his arms.

“Why not? I’m your best friend, aren’t I? I’ve told you about every girl I’ve done it with. If he’s making you this upset, I can find him and give him a little talking to.” Iwaizumi stated, giving Oikawa a stern look. This earned the silly brute a small smile from Oikawa, who simply shook his head, eyes not leaving his toes.

“I can’t, Iwa-chan. You…you wouldn’t understand.” Oikawa muttered, hoping Iwa-chan would drop it. Naturally, he didn’t.

“C’mon, ‘Kawa. He’s gotta have at least a name. Maybe a face? I’m really good with faces.” Iwa-chan was pressing too much, making Oikawa want to curl into a ball and cry himself to sleep. Pulling his knees closer to his chin, Oikawa shook his head.

“Iwa-chan….please.” Oikawa mumbled, tears bubbling to the surface as he tried to look away. His wall was starting to look pretty interesting….

“Are you sure? It’s not like it was me.” Iwa-chan leaning forward, locking eyes with Oikawa momentarily. When Oikawa caught sight of those beautiful, soft eyes, he couldn’t help but feel ashamed. Tears finally broke the surface and he looked away, ducking his head from view. Iwaizumi was silent.

“It…it wasn’t me, right?” He asked, his voice quieter, much more hollow. Oikawa’s body shook with sobs as his friend came to the realization Oikawa hoped he would never come to. “I woke up in my bed that morning. You were a mess, I was clean. I wouldn’t have-“ Iwa-chan stood abruptly. 

Then he left Oikawa to cry himself to sleep.

\----

The next morning was hell. His father was much calmer, but still very clearly angry about Oikawa’s coming out. His mom tried her best to lighten the mood, but nothing was working. Iwa-chan had left before breakfast, much to the confusion of the entire Oikawa household. Well, almost the entire household. 

Oikawa was forced to spend the entire day being lectured by his family. Eventually, he went numb to their voices. When his father noticed this, he stood and left the room. His mom crossed to sit next to him and wrapped her arm around his shoulders.

“I still love you.” She whispered, though it sounded rehearsed and cold. Oikawa got up after an hour sitting alone. He wandered the fields he and Iwa-chan had explored as children. He cried some more in the forest where Iwa-chan had caught bugs the first night they had met. 

When he got home, Iwa-chan was there. He was sitting with his arm thrown onto the back of the couch, turned toward Mihoko and their parents as if he belonged there. Oikawa immediately realized that this was the happy family his parents wanted right now. Why had he even come home? 

“Tooru! I’m so glad you’re safe! We were worried when you didn’t answer your phone!” His mom exclaimed, shooting to her feet when she saw him. Oikawa turned his head, slowly, feeling cold inside as his mom flung her arms around him. Was what she said genuine? He couldn’t tell. 

Iwa-chan stood and attempted to look Oikawa in the eyes. When this failed, he settled for just above Oikawa’s head. 

“I’m, uh, sorry I disappeared this morning. I just wanted to see my family.” He lied, Oikawa could tell. Of course he lied. Iwa-chan felt uncomfortable around Oikawa now that he knew what had happened. Oikawa looked away from his best friend and directed his gaze toward his feet. 

“Tooru? Are you alright?” This was his father, who had stood and joined his mother right in front of him. Oikawa looked up and locked eyes with his dad. There was genuine worry in his eyes. At least, Oikawa thought that was what he was seeing. 

“I’m….I’m fine.” He muttered, rubbing a hand down his face and disappearing down the hall into his room. His family continued to talk after he had left, voices just above whispers. They were probably talking about him.

\----

Oikawa didn’t leave his room for days. He had no idea what was going on in the outside world, but his mom at least dropped off food around meal times. He felt numb to the world, empty inside and dead limbed. He couldn’t seem to move more than just across his room. He barely ate what his mom gave him. Life became meaningless.

That was, until his mom came into his room one morning wearing a rather fetching dress. Oikawa turned slowly and blinked, the light from the hallway bouncing off the bright color of her outfit.

“C’mon, can you stand for a few hours? Today’s Mihoko’s graduation.” Her voice was gentle. Oikawa had almost entirely forgotten why he had come home in the first place. Blinking against the light, he pushed himself up.

“Yeah, I think I can manage.” He muttered, feeling horrible all over again for forgetting his baby sister’s graduation. Tiredly, he managed to get dressed and joined his family in the front room. Iwa-chan was nowhere to be seen, but that made Oikawa at least a little more comfortable. 

When he entered the room, his father stepped forward, clearing his throat awkwardly. 

“Tooru, I was horrible to you the first day you got back. I lashed out and I’m….I apologize. I probably won’t ever get used to you being…gay. But, um, I want to try.” He muttered, the words obviously making him uncomfortable. Oikawa was a bit surprised, but shook it off as something his mom initiated.

“No, it’s fine. Today’s Mi-chan’s day, anyway.” He muttered, running his hand through his hair and heading toward the door. His dad nodded and followed. 

His old high school looked just as he remembered it. There were students and parents everywhere. Oikawa felt a little buzz of energy from the familiarity of the situation. The three Oikawa’s sat down and conversed with people around them. Slowly, Oikawa felt like himself again. He smiled, genuinely, and talked with the alumni he recognized. Most of the people there he didn’t know, but he recognized a few faces. 

The graduation was just like it had been when he had graduated three years ago. He smiled and clapped politely for everyone who spoke and presented. He stood to congratulate his sister when the ceremony was over. But he was cut off when Iwa-chan showed up. Froze when Iwa-chan wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Lost feeling all over again when Iwa-chan gave her a kiss and they hugged. 

He had known it was coming, but why did he still feel so much pain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Time: It gets worse


	8. Fundamental Truth #3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa loses control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small smut here. Implied starting at "then he heard it" to "gagging again." Actual smut at "that sold him" to "when he arrived home later"

When summer ended, Mihoko moved in with them.

Oikawa’s family had never gotten over his coming out. Mihoko was cool with it and would even tease Oikawa about other men they ran into. Oikawa would try to play along, but eventually insist she stop teasing him. Mihoko would merely grumble and let it slide. 

His parents never talked about his getting married or giving them grandchildren. They apparently didn’t believe that would ever be the case. Bitterly, Oikawa would mutter to himself at night about how he could get married and adopt if he wanted to but would then cry himself to sleep remembering that the only man he was willing to marry was straight.

By the end of the summer, his little escapade with Iwa-chan became a distant memory. The Oikawa’s and Iwaizumi never forgot it, but they didn’t bring it up. Media backed off the Oikawa family and everything went back to being normal. Well, mostly normal.

Returning to Tokyo for school and the team was a blur. Mihoko moved into their spare room, though Oikawa was gone for most of the process. Iwaizumi helped her with everything, which was probably for the best, anyway. 

Coming home was a nightmare every night. Oikawa would open the door to find both of them cuddling on the couch. Immediately he would feel his heart sink, but he couldn’t lie that he was too tired to join them every night. He would reluctantly curl up on the other end of the couch and watch with them, trying almost too hard to focus on what was before him and not what was beside him.

An entire year passed like this, and Oikawa began to feel numb to the pain it gave him. It wasn’t until one night, almost a month after their one year mark, that he heard what he had been dreading. 

Groggily, Oikawa climbed into bed, having gotten home too late to join Mihoko and Iwa-chan for their almost nightly movie watching date. That was fine by him, though, he didn’t have to listen to them whisper cheesy things to each other or see them kiss. One night without them was good for him. He didn’t have to think about them.

Then he heard it.

At first the sound was muffled, but then it came again, louder. A shout. Oikawa shot up, having just barely gotten under the covers. It sounded like someone was in pain. Flinging the blankets off, he tiptoed out of his room and across the common area toward Iwa-chan’s door, to check on him first. Now that he was closer, he could hear other sounds as well. He pressed his hand to the doorknob and was about to push it open to see what was wrong when he realized that the sounds were familiar. 

Oikawa gagged, backing away from the door and covering his mouth with his hands. He gagged again when he heard a distinctly female shout from the other side of the door. When Iwa-chan muttered something to echo Mihoko’s pleasured moans, Oikawa raced to the bathroom and lost his dinner in the toilet. He began to sob, gripping the edges of the toilet bowl desperately, a lifeline to keep him steady. 

A part of him knew this would be coming eventually, but another part of him hoped he would never have to know. His heart stung as if someone had just punctured it with a million needles. He attempted to stay silent, whimpers escaping his throat as he tried to erase the sounds from his mind. He could handle it when it was someone he didn’t know. But Iwa-chan hadn’t brought a girl home for over a year (for good reason) and Oikawa had grown used to the silence of the night in their apartment.

Now Iwa-chan was sharing his bed with someone again. And not just any someone, Oikawa’s sister. 

Gagging again, Oikawa let a small cry leave his throat, echoing back to him from the toilet. He watched as tears hit the water like falling rain, choking on the bitter taste in his mouth. 

Several minutes passed like this, Oikawa’s breathing gradually coming to a standstill. He couldn’t hear them anymore, but this could have been because of how far away the bathroom was from Iwa-chan’s bedroom. 

Grabbing some toilet paper, Oikawa wiped his mouth and stood, shakily, flushing the toilet. He rinsed his mouth with water and stared numbly up at his reflection in the mirror. Red rimmed his eyes like a mask, hiding his true identity from the world. He spat weakly in his own direction and turned to leave, grabbing his keys and heading out the door. He needed to be somewhere else.

Meandering slowly down the night lit streets, Oikawa looked for the nearest bar, pleased to find one within ten minutes. His brain was too muddled and groggy for him to realize it was the same bar he and Iwa-chan had been to a year ago. The night they had slept together. 

Ordering a drink, Oikawa rested his head against the bar and waited. There were a lot of people there, so he probably had several people who had ordered before him waiting for their drinks. Beside him sat a rather burly man, thick arms revealed from underneath a tight fitting tank top. He drank alone, from the looks of it, his scruff making him look unhygienic. 

“You come here often?” Oikawa muttered, looking up at the man from where his head rested against his arms. The guy took a second to realize Oikawa was talking to him. Turning his head, confused, the man gave Oikawa a look.

“What d’you want, pretty boy?” The man grumbled, not sounding entirely angry, just confused. Oikawa huffed, turning when the bartender passed him his drink. He took a quick sip before responding.

“I want no strings attached for a night.” Oikawa responded, looking back at the guy before raising his glass to his lips again. The man’s face flushed extreme shades of red as he turned away from Oikawa and downed the last of his drink. 

“You think I’m gay?” The man sounded slightly appalled, like this wasn’t the first time someone had assumed he was gay. Oikawa shrugged and leaned his elbow against the counter, taking a drink. 

“Doesn’t matter if you are.” He mumbled, finishing off his drink and gesturing for another. The man couldn’t seem to decide if he wanted to respond or leave, his eyes darting around as if looking for someone to save him. 

“Shouldn’t it matter?” He asked, finally turning to look at Oikawa again. Oikawa shrugged, grabbing his new drink and downing it as quickly as possible. He wanted to be drunk if this worked. He wanted to forget Iwa-chan ever existed and sleep with some shady guy who might just give him and STD. He wanted no commitment and a way to relieve his pain. 

“Not really, no. You’re a guy, I like guys.” Oikawa responded, gesturing for yet another drink. By now, the guy was watching Oikawa’s cup as the bartender refilled it and Oikawa drank some more.

“Yeah, well, what if I don’t like guys?” The man questioned, watching Oikawa finish off this glass before asking for another. 

“Everyone likes to experiment, right?” Oikawa muttered, grabbing his new drink to take a sip, but fumbling slightly and dribbling alcohol down his fingers. Drowsily, he looked at the liquid running down his finger before sticking it in his mouth slowly, sensually, looking back up at the guy and giving him a questioning look.

That sold him.

Oikawa had only had sex one other time in his life, but it had been completely different. This guy didn’t seem to understand the word ‘careful’ as he banged Oikawa forcefully against the wall in the back alley. His dick was massive, bigger than Iwa-chan’s at least. It hurt when he put it in, but after the first hit of Oikawa’s prostate, the smaller man had stopped caring. He clawed at the back of his partner as the man held Oikawa up. 

Pants, groans, moans, and whimpers echoed in the alleyway, earning several shouts from annoyed tenants of nearby apartment complexes, but neither man slowed down. Oikawa shouted as he came, fingers losing feeling as his entire body shuddered and lost control. He tried to claw for a grip, but was losing his hold. When he finally came down, the man was still thrusting roughly into him, continuing to hit Oikawa’s over stimulated prostate. Oikawa groaned and whimpered, begging him to stop. 

He felt no relief until the man began to cum inside of him, hot liquid oozing out his hole as the guy’s thrusts began to stutter and then stop. They both were left panting heavily before the big guy removed his dick and set Oikawa on the ground gently. Numb to the world, Oikawa barely registered the kiss he received on his forehead and didn’t hear the words the man said. When he finally came to, light was beginning to trickle across the sky and his pants had been buttoned up for him. 

When he arrived home later, Iwa-chan and Mihoko greeted him as if nothing happened. As if they had never even noticed his absence. As if he meant nothing.

Oikawa fell into a depressive slump.

Drinking all night and sleeping with a new man became the norm. Several times, people caught it on camera: him coming out of some unknown apartment building or leaving a bar. The media was all over this, telling the story of the Oikawa heir turning to the dark alleys and shady bars. He got calls from his parents, but rarely answered them, especially when the first consisted of his father calling him a ‘filthy homosexual.’ 

Iwa-chan and Mihoko both began to grow concerned, trying to talk to him whenever they were home at the same time. Oikawa shrugged it off and avoided them, coming home even later or just staying the night at some stranger’s apartment. Sometimes he stayed with teammates, but they were just as concerned as his roommates, so this became less and less frequent. 

Practice was a nightmare as he became exhausted and incapable of doing his best. Coach would yell at him every day now, but Oikawa became numb to this as well. Eventually, he was placed in reserves, basically put on probation until he could show initiative and motivation. The likelihood of that happening anytime soon diminished every time Oikawa came home to Mihoko and Iwa-chan snuggling on the couch. 

After running out to get groceries one day – really he left the apartment just to avoid Iwa and Mihoko – he spotted a familiar head of jet black hair.

“Tobio-chan!” He called, jogging tiredly toward the younger man to catch him. Kageyama turned around just in time for Oikawa to throw his arm around his shoulders, nearly knocking both of them over. 

“What is it, Oikawa-san?” Kageyama asked, flinching away as Oikawa nuzzled his head under Kageyama’s chin. He was still a little buzzed from last night’s escapades and the smell of booze was probably still detectible. 

“I just wanted to say hi, is that too much to ask?” He pouted, looking up at the younger man’s big, blue eyes as they gave Oikawa a wary look. Kageyama may have been disgusted by his senpai’s horrible behavior, but Oikawa was still his friend and teammate, he wasn’t going to just ditch him.

“We see each other every other day at practice.” Kageyama pointed out. Even after so many years, Kageyama Tobio had not lost his blunt demeanor. 

“Yeah, but never outside of practice.” Oikawa retorted, leaning in a bit, making it hard for Kageyama to stay balanced. Kageyama was about to respond when Oikawa continued. “Can I come over to your place? I’ve never been over to your place.” Oikawa asked, smiling brightly and trying to ooze on the charm. Kageyama cringed, looking ahead of them and trying to direct them out of the way of traffic. 

“Oikawa, you really ought to stay at your own place, for once.” Kageyama responded, pulling Oikawa’s arm off of his shoulder and turning to look at him directly. Oikawa pouted, crossing his arms and looking away.

“My place is boring. Nothing interesting ever happens.” Oikawa muttered, trying to avoid eye contact with Kageyama. 

“Don’t you have Iwaizumi-san and your sister staying with you?” Kageyama just had to point that one out. A slight sting came to Oikawa’s chest as he recalled his true love and sister sharing the same bed. A sneer crossed his face, but was gone in seconds. Looking up, he locked eyes with Kageyama. 

“Tobio-chan, your eyes are really pretty.” Oikawa muttered, almost absently as he began to lean in. Kageyama immediately backed away, unfortunately running into a wall as Oikawa closed in. Grabbing Kageyama’s face, Oikawa pressed a kiss onto his lips, imagining breaking a virgin the way Iwa-chan had broken him over a year and a half ago. 

With a violent shove – sometimes Oikawa forgot how strong Kageyama was – Kageyama pushed Oikawa off of him and lifted his hand to slap him but was stopped when someone else stepped between them, throwing tiny punches at Oikawa’s chest and stomach. Oikawa flinched as he felt small bruises being formed all over his body.

“Get your hands off of him you-you-you pervert!” The small ball of orange fire was all too familiar to Oikawa, having worked with him for the past several years on the team. Hinata had become Japan’s ace within two years of joining the team, his size having barely changed since high school. However, his attacks on the court packed a punch, meaning off the court was no different.

“Shouyou, calm down.” Kageyama grabbed Hinata’s arm and pulled him away from Oikawa. Hinata looked up at the other man with a surprised look, but huffed and crossed his arms when he finally realized he was being pulled from a fight. 

“Shrimpy, your punches actually hurt.” Oikawa grumbled, trying his best to stand straight after all those blows. Hinata smiled triumphantly before shooting him another nasty look.

“What were you trying to accomplish with Tobio?” He demanded, voice very powerful. After so many years working with abrasive and powerful volleyball players – all of whom were bigger than him – Hinata had learned to exude his own confidence and intimidation. 

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” Oikawa muttered, telling the truth. He had always thought Kageyama was pretty, but he really hadn’t been thinking when he’d kissed him. Part of him was thinking of another one night stand, another part of him of what it would feel like to be on the giving end instead of the receiving end for once. 

“Oikawa, are you alright?” Kageyama sounded genuinely concerned, eyes trying to lock with Oikawa’s. The older man nodded, avoiding looking directly at Kageyama as he did so. 

“Yeah, fine. I might be a bit bruised, but otherwise I’m fine.” Oikawa responded, poking gently at the spots where Hinata had hit him. The two exchanged glances before looking back at him.

“No, not about that. A year ago you hadn’t slept with anyone, now you’re going around kissing people’s husbands and sleeping with complete strangers. You’re not even being careful anymore.” Hinata pointed out, his usually energetic voice having been taken down a few notches. Oikawa barely registered most of what he had said, but husband struck him hard.

“H-Husband?” He asked, glancing quickly at Kageyama’s hand to find a ring where he could have sworn there hadn’t been one before. Hinata had a matching one. “Wh-when?” He barely managed as Kageyama hugged Hinata close to him. 

“We’ve been married for over a year, Oikawa. We thought we told you?” Kageyama’s expression was now far more concerned than it had been before. Oikawa looked between the both of them, married and happy. Amazing Hinata and Kageyama, his friends for years. What had he done?

“I’m so sorry. I…didn’t realize.” He muttered, feeling tears well up in his eyes. Years of pain and heartbreak finally cracked the numb shell around his heart and he began to cry. He wiped them away furiously, afraid to be seen by anyone he knew, embarrassed enough that Hinata and Kageyama were watching. 

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s fine. Come on, we should go to our place so you can calm down. We’re not far from here.” Hinata soothed, rubbing his hand gently along Oikawa’s arm. Oikawa couldn’t function enough to refuse and go a different direction, so he followed them to a small apartment complex not far from where they had been standing. 

The place was small, but cute. There was clutter and stuff everywhere. It felt so lived in, so domestic. It hurt to see. Oikawa wanted to be happy for them, but all he could feel was bitterness for himself. 

On the end table beside the couch was a photograph, framed in gold. In it was Hinata, wearing a white suit, and Kageyama, wearing a black one. They both held up their hands, revealing the rings on their fingers. Hinata grinned broadly, eyes closed, at the camera, while Kageyama’s smile was more tame, but fond, looking at Hinata. They were so in love. 

“Please, have a seat.” Hinata offered, gesturing toward the couch. Oikawa sat down, staring at the photograph as Hinata disappeared into another room and Kageyama joined him. 

“You look so happy.” Oikawa muttered, cursing himself in his head when his voice cracked. 

Kageyama glanced at the photo and took it off the end table, looking at it for a second before placing it face down in his lap.

“What’s gotten into you? You’ve been out of it since the first time the media caught you with someone, but for the last six months you’ve been a completely different person. Everyone’s concerned.” Kageyama started, looking intently at Oikawa. Oikawa looked down at his feet and tried to hold back tears. It didn’t work. 

“I….I’m lost, Kageyama. I don’t know what to do. I’m in love with…with someone who’ll never have me.” Oikawa muttered, avoiding looking at his teammate. Kageyama hesitantly placed a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. 

“Iwaizumi-san?” He asked softly. Oikawa nodded, curling in on himself as Kageyama said it. Sobs wracked his body, causing him to shiver violently. Kageyama’s presence got a little closer. He was warm, soft, and comforting. Oikawa leaned in a bit, appreciating the feeling. He had pushed people off for so long, he wasn’t sure why when it felt this amazing. 

“I made-“ Hinata’s voice entered the room, along with the sounds of clattering dishes. He stopped abruptly, probably when he realized what was happening. For a moment there was nothing but silence, and soon another weight joined Oikawa on the other end of the couch. 

“Oikawa, you shouldn’t hold yourself back so much. Iwaizumi’s a cool guy, but there must be others out there.” Hinata whispered, trying his best to be supportive. Oikawa thought about it for a second, sobs slowing and body stilling. 

Slowly, he bent himself out of his ball and looked at the two of them. They were genuinely concerned. Oikawa hadn’t let himself believe his friends cared for so long he had almost forgotten what it looked like.

“I don’t know. It’s been so long and I haven’t met anyone as amazing as Iwa-chan.” Oikawa muttered, staring at his knees. 

“Okay, first of all, stop comparing every guy you meet to Iwazumi-san.” Kageyama said, voice firm, drawing Oikawa’s attention. 

“Second, you’re not going to find an amazing guy unless you treat yourself right first.” Hinata piped in, drawing Oikawa’s attention toward him. Oikawa thought about that, considering the last several years. He had been pining over Iwaizumi relentlessly, never stopping to think how it might be affecting him and his other relationships. 

“You guys think it’s possible?” Oikawa asked, feeling a small spark of hope as they both grinned. 

“Yes! Definitely!” Hinata exclaimed, patting Oikawa on the back rather roughly.

“And we’ll be here if you need us.” Kageyama reassured him, rubbing his arm some more. Oikawa nodded, looking back at his feet a feeling a little energy return to his body.

“I…I think I should go home.” Oikawa muttered, pushing himself to his feet slowly, Kageyama and Hinata joining him. He thanked them on the way out, glad to have them as friends.

The entire way home, he contemplated what his life had been like for the last six months. Honestly, for the last year and a half. Ever since sleeping with Iwa-chan, Oikawa hadn’t been the same. He hadn’t even realized Hinata and Kageyama were married! If he was missing out on all of these things, he was going to need to get his head back in the game. Maybe he could even return to his coach’s good graces.

As he approached the door to his apartment, he felt his mood had lightened. Even walking in on Mihoko and Iwa-chan cuddling on the couch couldn’t damper his mood. 

Pushing open the door, he was welcomed immediately.

“Where have you been!?” Iwa-chan exclaimed, coming from around the corner when he heard the door open. Mihoko joined him almost immediately, coming around the corner to give her brother a massive hug.

“Uh, hi?” Oikawa muttered, instantly drowned out as Mihoko held up her hand to display a modest ring with a small diamond placed in the center.

“We’re getting married!” Mihoko exclaimed, voice squealing with glee. 

Oikawa had to hold onto the doorframe to keep from fainting.

\----

The night, Oikawa lay awake in bed. He couldn’t sleep after hearing the news, but he had resolved to repair his life and that meant no going out to drink and have pity sex. Instead he had plugged his music in and was listening with headphones in his ears to drown out the inevitable congratulatory sex his roommates were having.

[11:43] **_Oh, Oikawa, I’m so sorry  
_** **_I mean, congratulations to Iwaizumi and Mihoko  
_** **_But I’m so sorry_**

[11:44] _Its okay I should have seen it coming_

He stared absently at his phone screen, watching as the little dots indicated that Ikeda was typing. His friends had gotten the news from him; Iwaizumi was too happy celebrating with his fiancé to tell anyone but those that first came to mind. And that lived with him. 

[11:47] **_You know you can always join us in America, right? We’d love to have you. You could completely start over here._**

Oikawa stared at this message as it showed up, reading it over and over again. After several minutes, he turned off his phone and set it on his nightstand, curling up to cry himself to sleep: hopefully for the last time.


	9. Satisfied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a ride, my friends! I hope you enjoyed the angst fest, I know I sure did! Thank you for sticking with me until the end!

The lights twinkled eerily, spattering the ground and the trees surrounding the small, covered party. On the edge of the lake, in the dark of night, it was almost like a scene from a nightmare, or a horror movie with a bad ending. Music drifted tiredly into the air, followed quietly by chatter and amusement. People wandered about, grabbing arms to get attention, laughing at jokes that weren’t as funny as they thought, and congratulating the happy couple.

Below the white cover, Oikawa was sure he might be sick. He’d been dizzy all day, but he’d managed to push through and now he was putting on an award winning performance. Maybe he should have gone into acting, he would have made more than a living doing that.

The brunette milled about the crowd like everyone else, greeting people he recognized – which was a lot of them – and meeting people he didn’t. He made it his goal to become best friends with every single person he didn’t know, even if that meant pretending to listen intently to the old man moaning on about his grandson. Oikawa was more than glad to be unlatched from this particular guest by a beautiful young lady about his age. Despite her wonderfully tousled hair and perfectly fitted, sleeveless dress, Oikawa only joined her in conversation to keep from talking with the old man.

From the very corners of his vision he could sense them. They were everywhere and anywhere, just like him, but for whatever reason he could have sworn they were following him around the floor. Oikawa was conscious of them every single second of the night and all throughout the day. He had hoped that maybe, just maybe, the party would distract him. Of course there was no way that would happen, this was going to be the rest of his life.

Smiling kindly at the girl, Oikawa gave his best pick up line which got her – and her equally beautiful friends – laughing. Could he learn to pretend well enough to love someone else? He’d been putting on a face for so long, perhaps he could. No one had questioned him about not being okay. Oikawa had broken down too many times to count, but rarely in front of people. He could do one more night. Maybe then he could leave and never come back.

Excusing himself from the girls, he lamented the fact that escape was not possible. He was heir to the Oikawa fortune and Japan’s largest computer company. He had a very important volleyball game coming up and leaving would only raise the questions he had managed to avoid for so long.

Oikawa stopped in his tracks when he spotted the happy couple picking up glasses off the back table. He knew this was coming, but he had almost been hoping they would forget. Leave it to Iwaizumi to remember the best man’s toast but not his own homework.

Arms linked, smiles bright and cheery, glasses in hand, Iwaizumi gathered everyone’s attention. It only took a light tap on the glass – how was he capable of such a gentle action? – and everyone was turned toward the couple, quiet and waiting for what Iwaizumi wanted to say.

“Thank you for coming, everyone. Mihoko and I couldn’t be more happy to see you all here. It’s starting to get late, but I do believe we’re missing something.” Iwaizumi said, voice loud enough to be heard but not rough. He was enjoying himself, and it was genuine. Oikawa had known him long enough to recognize that.

“Oikawa?” Iwaizumi said his name with a lilt, turning the question up gently at the end like righting a baby who couldn’t get off their back. Oikawa saw black dots dance before his vision and he had to fight his legs hard not to collapse right then and there. His body reacted this way every time Iwaizumi spoke to him. Maybe getting away was a good idea after all, Oikawa wouldn’t collapse every time Iwa-chan said his name. The crowd waited expectantly, but Oikawa couldn’t gather himself fast enough and soon they were all staring with confused anticipation.

“Oikawa?” This time, Iwaizumi’s tone was concerned. Oikawa closed his eyes and took deep, even breaths. Iwaizumi had to stop saying his name like that or he was definitely going to faint. Hold that, Iwaizumi was going to have to stop saying his name period or he was going to faint.

“I’m good, just a little dizzy.” Oikawa finally said, grinning wide, earning a sigh of relief he hadn’t realized the crowd was holding. The look in Iwaizumi’s eyes wasn’t relief – well, it was for a split second – but rather annoyance. Iwaizumi had known Oikawa long enough that something such as this wasn’t something to be concerned about. Even Mihoko wore an expression of pure relief and she had known her brother longer than Iwaizumi had.

“Maybe hold back on the wine?” Iwaizumi suggested, almost making Oikawa faint again, this time from the mischievous twinkle in his eye. Oikawa took a couple of shaky steps forward, pushing passed the front line of the crowd and toward the isolated couple. He hoped desperately that no one could see his knees shaking.

Giving Iwaizumi a look, he picked a glass off the table. “Aren’t I supposed to introduce the toast?” He shot, dropping the drinking subject. He hadn’t picked up a glass the whole night. His faintness was mostly due to Iwaizumi talking to him and the fact that he hadn’t eaten all day. Besides, despite his absolute dread for this very moment, the brunette was not about to give the best man’s toast drunk. He was a talky drunk, his friends had told him so. After all these years, he had managed to keep his secret a, well, secret whenever he drank – though not necessarily while sober –, but in this particular setting and at this particular moment, he didn’t trust himself to not say anything.

“You were taking too long, some people want to leave.” Iwaizumi whispered back, giving Oikawa a serious look this time. His eyes glittered in the twinkling lights and his hair stuck out in every direction like it always did. He was dressed the best Oikawa had ever seen him dress. Not even graduation had called for something as formal as what he was wearing now. He was dashing, but the suit coat did nothing for his arms.

“Apologies.” Oikawa said, lilting his voice in the way he had learned how so that he sounded like he didn’t care. It was convincing, apparently, because Iwaizumi turned away, rolling his eyes and smiling fondly. Taking another deep breath, Oikawa’s breath hitched at that smile. It had taken a very long time for Iwaizumi to grow fond of Oikawa’s annoying habits. The first time he had smiled fondly at Oikawa….Well, that was a story for another time.

Turning toward the crowd, Oikawa raised his glass and grinned, fighting the tears that threatened to surface as he realized just what he was about to do. In all his years being around Iwaizumi and Mihoko as a couple, he had never once said to anyone that he supported them. Everyone had assumed he did and all he had to do was not deny it. They believed he thought they made a great couple.

Oikawa now had to admit that they were perfect for each other.

“A toast to the groom!” He exclaimed, his voice cracking slightly at the end of the shout. The party guests raised their glasses as well, echoing his words, giving him a bit of time to recover. “To the bride!” He added on, turning toward the couple and away from the crowd. He supposed this was for them; he needed to look at them as he said it.

That just made it all worse.

“From your best friend and brother.” He continued, really wishing there was more noise to cover the way his voice wavered. Unfortunately, someone had shut off the music and it was dead silent save a couple of whispers from the crowd. “Who was always by your side.” This time his voice cracked noticeably, but neither Mihoko or Iwaizumi looked concerned.

Rather, Iwaizumi had become a little annoyed, though the light shade of pink in his cheeks suggested he was flattered Oikawa was going to cry about this. Mihoko’s eyes were already tearing up, but she smiled, giving Oikawa a fond look.

“To your union and the hope that you provide. May you always be-“ Oikawa’s voice cracked badly at this point and he choked back vicious tears. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t toast them. He didn’t approve. He wanted to tell everyone why he was crying, why he couldn’t go on. But it was too late, they were already married, anything he said now would just create a rift and he was sure that would be worse than seeing his love married to his sister. 

“May you always be satisfied.” He finally managed, cursing in his head as he realized tears were now streaming down his face. Without warning, Mihoko lunged at him, giving him a big hug as he sobbed, not for the reason she thought. Then, against his will, he began to regret the last miserable fifteen years of his life.


End file.
